What do I like about her? it's not a normal question. I need to have some kind of special answer for this. I don't want it to be some simple attraction kind of thing. I don't want it to become someone with just an attraction. I want to give some kind of meaning to all this. So that I can be different from others. I don't want my love to be just as same as what others have. But when I start the search for the answer to the question, everything contradicts.
I can't find the answer, maybe I fear the answer turning out to be just some common 'attachment kind of reason'. I clearly don't know why I start to love her from the very beginning, maybe the reason is simply it's the way she looks. Yeah, it sure will be the reason that I have shown some interest, maybe it's just I have got no other one. It's a good escape from all this boredom and loneliness.
I'm bored. I was always. But before I thought it's a cool thing, it feels cool to say that "I'm bored". Eventually, I realized it's a lie I told myself instead of saying 'I'm lazy". But at the same time, I have enjoyed things like this, like every common one. So everything could have started from there, it's not a problem. It's all about how it has developed.
But why it's still continuing? that's a real question. Is this just because I have no other one or I really became addicted to this feeling. Or is there something more. I don't know, I don't want to dig deeper, I really fear the results. There is a part of me who fears the truth, I see myself as a lie, when I lie there are lots of different aspects.
Lies can't stay forever, someday the truth comes and hits my head with a brick, I live a while with that pain and after that, I still continue to do what I do.
