You know that time when your eyes literally light up whenever you're getting something new, or when you're expecting something new and in the moments building up to its arrival that's the only thing you can think of is that thing. Nothing else matters, you eat, you're thinking of that thing, you drink you're thinking of that thing, you have a moment to breathe it's on your mind. At times you can't even sleep in anticipation of that moment, and when it finally happens it is a wonderful experience that is ingrained in your memory for a very long while.
I recently had a moment similar to this, but the emotion was nowhere near as powerful as it used to be. The moments I described at the beginning of the post were from when I was little. I remember them very vividly, from moments like the day before I got my first bicycle, to the day before my birthday party as a kid, even seemingly small things like getting my favourite snack after school or a new pair of shoes. Back then, joy felt so pure, so effortless, like magic that didn’t need much to exist.
But then recently something nice happened, and I anticipated it, but it didn't bring that dopamine rush that I used to feel. It was just like this image
I don't know whether it's a consequence of getting older or it's just that I've gone through those feelings countless times and I'm getting used to them and that is making the effect not as strong as it used to be. It's like the excitement is short lived, it only lasts for a few moments, and after that, it's all about the next step from there.
Even with this, there are still concepts that excite me every day and keep me happy and dreaming, but they can seem so grand at times and out of reach. These little ones are supposed to be pacifiers, to keep me going and motivated, but I run through the emotions so fast. Maybe it's just a thing with getting older. But boy, do I wish I could have that childlike excitement again. It gives a lot more colour to the world and makes it feel so wonderful. Perhaps I'll get to accomplish those big dreams that still excite me and maybe feel like a little child once more.
