Relationships these days have evolved from a selfless and unconditional loving one to mind games and manipulation of partners. A situation where each party wants to trick the other into becoming what he/she wants while remaining resistant to any change. You hear things like my babe doesn't want to change? Are you APC? And before you know it your relationship end as if it works with tiger head finger batteries.
In view of the above, I will like to borrow a leaf or two from my business class to be applied to relationships.
Take a few minutes to think of the tedious process involved in getting a job with a very good company, all the series of tests and interviews and signing of contacts one has to undergo before becoming an employee of such firms. If only it will stop at that but no! The process continues as your performance is constantly evaluated and most times test and interviews are written to get promoted.
If either as an employer or employee, one will take the stress to go through these processes to get the right employee or job then shouldn't we be more careful in getting in to relationships and "relating " well in our relationships so as to avoid ending up in "situationships"?
Here are a few things I think we should take note of in our quest for a good relationship
PLEASE NOTE that these are not in any way laws or must dos but my opinion
- There should be a proposal and an acceptance. Eg. We have been friends for quite a while, I will like us to take it to the next level. Would you be my lady? This is to avoid disappointments ( a situation where expectations are not equal to reality) and assumption of a relationship status that is not shared by both parties. Where a friendzoned guy thinks he is in a relationship with "friendzoner" lady.
- State your dos and don'ts from the beginning such as no Sex, no wife or husband duties etc as it will serve as the terms and conditions both parties have agreed to live and love by except of course it is reviewed and changed by both parties later.
- Both of you should sit down and do an evaluation of the relationship either quarterly or once a year. This evaluation should include :
A. How have your partner performed so far on the scale of 1 to 10
B. What are the things he/she is doing right and the things he/she is doing wrong?
C. Are you better off as a result of the relationship? ( spiritually, physically, socially, financially, emotionally, academically and so on). It's called the value added question.
D. Have you made your partner a better person and in what ways? This means you have actually studied your partner to know his weaknesses and care enough to help him or her work it through. Things like helping her work out/ registering her in a gym to manage her weight or helping him to plan and save his money.
E. Agree on the changes needed to make your relationship a better one. Maybe more dates, romantic moments, daily devotions together, etc
The evaluation process ensures communication and makes sure both of you are on the same page cos everyone wants and can become a better lover. - Review your terms and conditions and make sure you live and love by them
- Do as you want your partner to do unto you.
All these are to be done from a caring and loving perspective and not to be used as a manipulative tool or pressure mounting exercise.
Thanks for Reading. Awaiting your inputs.