I now have 23-days before I return my keys and In part 1 I gave you a brief description of my current status and outlook. Tomorrow I am going to visit a debt advisor and I hope to start bankruptcy proceedings. Due to some advice, given by 
Now, on paper this all sounds straight forward, but my racing mind says otherwise. As I mentioned in the last post, the council housing on offer is not exactly desirable and I intend to provide my daughter with the same standard of living, hopefully better. My problem is that this will almost certainly involve full-time work as a mechanic and this is something I wish to avoid. I really have fallen out of love with being someone's bitch. Especially, when it comes to working in a garage. Watching some fat, pie-eating, floor manager, drive around in a £60,000 Range Rover, while I'm down the pit, sweating to keep the wagons rolling, is not my idea of a "career". HGV Mechanics get paid little over the minimum wage, in comparison to other professions. I spent 4-years at college and I'm very proud of what I achieved(HGV City & Guilds NVQ lv 3 in motor vehicle mechanics and electronics). I've held that title for 21-years now and the trade has taken me to some great places, but it only ever went so far, when it came to stimulation and challenging myself. Most garages are just service centres and the work is very monotonous. Couple this with uncompromising bosses and unsocial hours, all for not much above the pay of a shelf-stacker, and you begin to see where I'm coming from. Or maybe you don't and you totally disagree. I've got scars all over my body, I've been to hospital more times than I can remember and I've seen someone nearly crushed to death. HGV mechanics can be a scary job and you won't find many mechanics above 50-years old.
So you see, taking this kind of decision has it's negatives and on top of this I have to pay some attention to my anxiety levels. I feel dirty even mentioning it, anxiety's an embarrassing thing to have to deal with, imo. Since my last post I've honestly felt scared for the first time, about what's to come. However, fear can sometimes be a good source of courage and with that comes self-confidence, pride and many other positives. As you can probably tell, my head is awash with thoughts and I wonder if it's just time to shut-up and get back to work. Better the devil you know, as they say.
Regardless of all this, I have one more axe to grind. I will not go back to work, if it means giving all my earnings away to debtors. I've already stated that I can't afford to do this with todays high cost of living. Busting myself up for a half-decent wage is one thing, but doing that and coming out worse off, then I may as well get by "ducking & diving".
"The boy doth protest too much"
It doesn't take a psychologist to work out that I am slightly apprehensive to go back to full-time work. Since all this began I have lost my family unit, my family home, my Job, my health, many, many, friendships and a whole load of cash. All of that I can handle but as my daughter grows older she is starting to lose respect for me. This is how it feels, anyway. I am sure I am still her hero but the cracks are starting to show and we bicker much more than we ever used to.
I don't want my daughter thinking I wouldn't do anything for her, but when you feel like your being sat on by the proverbial "depression-bus" it's hard to keep on going, day after day. I mean, I haven't slept right for months now and my eating habit even more unhealthy than usual. 2 days without food is very easy when you're depressed and anxious and it happens often enough for me to be used to it. I no longer get hunger pains, I just feel sick. Then it comes to a point where I have to eat and everything returns to normal for a while. If it wasn't for the fact that my daughter stays with me for a whole week(One week with me, the next her mother) this would be a more of a problem, but while she stays with me we eat very well. I love cooking for my daughter and now she have fallen in love with her "spi-phone" it's nice to have her sat down for dinner.
So, as it stands I eat quite well, every other week, however, the same can not be said for my sleep pattern. I was born a night-owl and I detest waking up to an alarm clock, it's just unnatural. Even as a schoolboy I was always late to arrive and nothing has changed since. Many of my jobs have been night-shifts and I really enjoy this type of work. Now I am a single dad this is no longer an option. It's a shame because the money you get for working nights makes up for the risks.
This all sounds very negative of me, I know, and some of you will no doubt be saying that I am making excuses. Maybe you're right and maybe this why I am in the mess I am in today. But there is a positive side to my thinking's and this will be talked about in the next post. I just wanted to explain my reluctance to return to full time HGV mechanics.
Now I think that's enough about my head-space and to finish I will begin telling you how my debts transformed from £80 to £10,000, with just a few years.
OK, that's about as close as you're gonna get to a fairy tale, so lets bring us all back to reality with a bang...
7-years ago, I asked the mother of my child to leave the house. My mental state had been rotted to its core and like a collapsing star, it exploded in an act of self-preservation. There are times when I have regretted that decision, but in the end it was the right thing to do and now water has passed under the bridge I am a much stronger person.
What happened devastated me and it was something that was, unfortunately, stretched out over a long period. I came to a realisation that something needed to change when I had the greatest urge to drive my work-van straight into the trees that lines the duel carriageway. I was on my way home from work, balling my eyes out, while thinking about returning to my corrosive relationship. I only have my daughter to thank for the strength to keep the steering wheel straight that day, she is my rock as has been from the day she was announced.
For a time reference, I find it helpful to use music and at the time I was listening to a guy called "Plan B" and this song sums up just how I was feeling at this time.
This wasn't exactly the beginning of it all, but when ever does anyone acknowledge when these things begin. If we did, I guess these things wouldn't happen in the first place. Regardless, time rolled on and it wasn't long after this that I became a single parent, full-time. By the time this came around I had been fired from my job, a decision I was more than happy with. I was a mess and would have made a serious mistake and that could have caused serious injury, or even loss of life. As it was, I was fired for my time-keeping(Even though I was contracted as having flexible hours). Unfortunately, my last job involved working with some one who decided to nominate himself supervisor. I wouldn't have minded, but this guy was dangerous. Not only did he do absolutely sweet F.A, he also made up his own hours by kicking the tyres of a 10-ton trailer and then signing it's service sheet before sending down the road(remember he was self-appointed so still had to appear to be productive) . Like I said, this guy was dangerous and I had zero respect for him. In the end we ended up in nearly coming to blows. I can be quite blunt, at times, especially when I'm stressed. Therefore this guy didn't take lightly to me telling him he was "no boss of mine" and that "He can get fucked if he thinks he is dictating my work-hours to cover his acute case of "idle-itis". Bullies and bull-shitters, they're all the same, just takes someone to stare them down.
Anyway, let's keep on-track and stay focused on the debt-monster about to come over the horizon. However, that does mean returning to the subject my previous employers. After all, they did to kick me while I was down and it was a lesson I will never forget.
Still, I am getting ahead of thing and we must start at the very beginning. At the cornel of debt, the thing that pushed this nugget of snow over the edge and started it on it's unstoppable journey.
As you now know I had lost my job as a trailer mechanic and this, subsequently, led me into a period where I was not being paid. I was dealing with becoming a single parent and the breakdown of the my family. Things had slipped my attention and I eventually got a letter informing me I owed a few months council tax. To make things worse, I had applied for a credit card a week before I was fired from my job. This was a foolish thing to do and, inevitably, it just led to more debt. At the time I wasn't thinking of any consequences and just wanted to secure some funds for the future. I still had to provide and, at this point, I knew I was not in the right mental state to work. A "Quick-fix", entirely.
I will forgive you for swearing at me, when I tell you I didn't pay my council tax debt with my credit card. As I was unemployed and a parent to a 4-year old child, I qualified for income support and wasn't expected to work. This status would only last until my daughter was 5, but it was a well-needed pause under the current strain. Due to me being eligible not to work and claim parental benefits, they council tax debt was deducted from my earnings. The debt was a few hundred pounds and they took, only a few pounds a week from my income.
I was now in a state of euphoria, due to freeing myself from a poisoned relationship, but on the other hand I had a daughter in turmoil, about why her mum and dad were not in the same house. Anyone who has gone through this knows how gut-wrenching these times can be. A child is the innocent party in all this and while the adults get what they want, the child is left in an abyss. It happened to me and I swore I would not walk my own down the same road. Seems life has it's own prerogative and repetition is a big part of it.
Although times were stressed and full of tears, my daughter and I cemented our bond and being a single parent, living off the state, allowed me to have unlimited time with my daughter. I relished every moment and will never regret not going to work at this point in time. It was truly magical and we walked to school, together, every day. These good-times allowed me to repair and after one or two short-term relationships I found what I thought was true-love. Within just a few weeks I had moved out of my home and into a place with my new love. Things were rosy, real rosy, and I felt revitalised. I felt that good I went straight into full-time work and we enjoyed some good times. My daughter adored my new partner and the feeling was mutual(Too much soo, as it turned out).
In the end, it all came to an abrupt holt and I found myself walking to a bus-stop with my daughter, trying to find the words that would adequately inform a 5-year old why we were moving house, again. At this point I was still working and managed to find the property I am currently in now. It was time to rebuild again and by now my daughter was my wing-girl.
When I got a phone call a few weeks later, from my ex, explaining how 2 debt collectors had been to her place looking for me, I was more than shocked. I had no idea why and at this point I was still, financially, treading water. It was only after the re-directed mail had reached my door that I discovered why I was being hunted by the goon-squad.
By going into full-time employment this had discontinued my council tax debt repayments, via my benefits and unbeknownst to me I was receiving letters about this... at my old address...
Apparently I had seized making payments with just £80 remaining. As I was wrapped up in a new relationship and these payments had been made, autonomously, for so long, I never gave it a single thought. I never left a forwarding address, so wasn't receiving my mail but all the important things I knew of, I had redirected.
Obviously, I had overlooked this detail and it ended up costing me big. I wasn't as wise as I am today and I had not found the sanctuary of Lawful Rebellion. To cut a long story a little shorter, I got bum-rushed by a 3rd party debt agency, after they threatened me with false warnings. I know my rights now and I know that I should never have answered the door to those parasites. Ironically, I have even been told this by the police and the citizens advice bureau. Strange that they give such advice when they are the ones enforcing these fines and causing me such a tort.
In the next post I will continue telling you about how the goons acted against me and how I reacted against them. We will also hear about the return of my previous employer and how they kicked me while I was down and took me to court to claim lost time that never existed.
PTYAY
