I was suffering from a depression for about a year perhaps more. I couldn't realize what was the cause of my misery.
Even though all my friends knew me as the cool and happy fun guy, but sometimes when I would be alone I would cry my eyes out, this moments would get more often by the time. I was always blaming the circumstances, some people for my misery, but never myself. Before going to Vipassana I started to realize that I've started to go crazy because of this pain. So went to the Vipassana Center with great hope that I would get the answers that I am seeking.
Introduction to Vipassana:
This is an ancient meditation technic discovered my Buddha, over 2500 years a go. Which was designed to heal people from their from misery, addictions, cravings. So in order to get rid these destructive behaviors you are going to throw them out from the rout level from within. Mainly technic doesn't require any visualization or verbalization,
just simply observing your body and mind without reacting with craving or abortion to the sensations and thoughts that are being experienced.
It's a 10 day silent course with 10-11 hours of meditation everyday, in this 10 days you are not allowed to talk, listen to music, read and write, use internet or TV absolutely nothing. This 10 days supposed to be only about yourself and your experience.
To me it was the most hardest, craziest and the most unique 10 days in my life. I remembered my entire life there, even memories came up that I've completely forgotten from my passed. Before going there I've made myself a promise, that no matter what I am going to finish the course, cause I expected it to be hard. But even than have been days when I wanted to run away from there. I had days when I was in tears in pain not just mental but also physical. So much trauma came out of me there from childhood and as a grown up. I wasn't giving up and I am very happy I didn't.
On days 8 and 9, I had my judgment day I was cleaning up all the crap that I've collected in my unconscious mind which was driving me crazy for so long. Both days combined I had 16 hours of hardcore and painful meditations, sometimes I wouldn't even use the break time that we had, so I would meditate 2 hours straight.
In order for you to understand how did my suffer look like, I'll try my best to explain it here.
I felt like the top of my skull cracked up and open, and the invisible hand would follow inside and go deeper inside my body, later it started to clime back up by pulling something out from within. As it would go up to my chest area, it would be hard for me to breath later to my throat I had a feeling that someone is chocking me, to head very strong headache, as it wants to get out of my head I had a feeling that my skull my might explode.
This process would continue for 16 hours, but after wards feeling of lightness and relaxation.
I am very thankful to the assistant teachers, if they wouldn't be there I'd probably wouldn't be able to make it through.
If anyone is considering to do a Vipassana course, I highly recommend this very universal, it's free simply based on donations and volunteers. But the real question is: Can anyone go through and finish the course?
I don't think so, this is a hardcore thing to go through, a journey where you really have to face your past and defeat your demons who are holding you back. In a nutshell it's an emotional roller coaster. So before you go there make sure that you will attend the full 10 days.
I hope my story was inspiring and helpful to you, if you have a question please contact me on facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/arshak.gyozalyan
Thank you
Author: Arshak Gyozalyan