Dear,
I wish I could write about how you changed my life for the better. I wish I could highlight all your fine qualities of you. All the times you held me and it felt so real. Those moments where nothing around needed to make sense, because I knew that when you held me, I was safe. I wish I could emphasize all the times you made me feel loved, and special. The times you looked me in the eye and promised that the words you said were true. I wish every lie you told could be true. It hurts to know that every truth you told may have been a lie.
I was asked to write a letter to the person who changed my life, and I chose to write about you. I wish I could write about how you changed my life for the better, but that’s not the case with us, is it? I could’ve written about how I’ve become a stronger person after I met you. I could have written that after all the paths you chose to go wrong, I went right. I could have written how the love you gave, or what you claimed to be love, helped me later in life to realize that everything you have ever taught me has been wrong. You made me look for faults in other people because I couldn’t believe that anything could ever be good again.
You let me spend almost three years of insecurity, always listening to opinions that didn't reflect my own. I knew what I wanted, but still, I asked you for advice, hoping that you would say what I already knew.
For three years I walked around pretending to be someone I'm not. Only because my real self wasn't enough for you and like a fool I kept my thoughts to myself, convinced that it was for the best, because for me at that time you were my safe place. And in the end, I found nothing about me was enough for you.
I could’ve written how I’ve become a different person after all the hours spent with you, how my heart beats in a different rhythm. How the smile I carry today is real, how my strength is so big that I will never let anyone tear me down ever again. I could have written how I dare to be myself. How I’m finally confident in myself and who I want to be. But I refuse to give you the credit for something you didn’t help me get.
I needed to unlearn all my hatred, in order to grow into the person I am today. And you are not allowed to take credit for that. You showed me a life I didn’t want to live, and the only reason I am where I am today is that I chose to do the right thing. I wrote about you because you did change my life, but not for the better.
