My life seems to be rather chaotic at the best of times. It probably isn't in reality - other people's reality; but it feels like it is in mine. I am finding it increasingly difficult to do nothing. Gosh, I'm turning into my mother hahahaha. I do not remember the last time that I was able to sit down and watch an entire feature length film because I constantly have to do something physically constructive.
I think that I have replaced many of my old relaxation 'things' with new or different ones. One of them is writing which I find cathartic, but I do still enjoy some of my age old ones like knitting and every so often planting something green that I can watch grow.
So back to eating chocolate and relaxing. Many of you will know that I have been in a steamy, sexy, long term relationship with caffeine and we tend to rendevous every few hours of the day. Pairing chocolate and coffee is a pretty damn powerful combination. Chocolate is one of my achilles heels and I feel that my life would become rather sad and forlorn if it was torn from me, there would be this massive gaping wound. I would wonder around like a lost soul checking feverishly on the top of the fridge every few hours for a chocolate bar that
I would probably sink deeper and deeper into depression without chocolate and coffee in my life. Sure I could substitute them with other things, but I would still daydream of them...while looking out of the window by the kettle, I would reminisce on those mornings where I would heap teaspoon after teaspoon of that beautiful brown crystalline substance into a cup, see the hot water swirl and rise, feel my smile develop as the aroma would hit my nostrils. "Breathe you in, close my eyes and exhale your sweetness, how I have missed you" I would muse.
Gosh what a terrible world that would be - a coffeeless world? How very dystopian of me! Tish tosh, gonna shake that thought out of my mind right now thank you very much!
I have to admit that I don't have a "go to" solution for a hectic day. It will really just boil down to working until I have to get my little one to bed and then either working some more, knitting and seldom having an early night, although that has also been known to happen.
Many years ago I used to run. It was introduced to me by a colleague who suggested it and then had to put up with my teasing for the next 20 minutes. You know - jokes like "I only run if something is chasing me" or "Why run when you can just rather - NOT?". It was funny at the time. For me. It was ONLY funny for me. They knew I walked so perhaps they figured it was the natural next step (see what I did there? No? Oh ok, nevermind.)
One day I was walking and a thought hit me out of left field "There are a LOT of people that run, there has to be something behind that and not in a chasing kind of way Andy" and then an even weirder thought invaded my brainwaves "Maybe I should try it!".
This became an internal dialogue argument where I started laughing at myself and then trying to defend the suggestion. It was strange and kinda unsettling so to prevent myself from becoming entirely convinced that I was indeed losing the plot, I made the decision and I picked up speed from a brisk walk to a trot. Wasn't too bad. I kept going. Was kinda nice actually.
* * *
I ran until my throat hurt and my legs ached. I walked back the rest of the way with a stupid grin on my face and the next morning I uttered a sheepish apology while looking at my shoes and twiddling my fingers.
It's called "Runner's High" and it is a fucking thing of beauty I tell you.
I bought myself running shoes and a running belt. I bought running shorts and I plotted routes. I recorded my times and listened to the most epic tunes while my heels pounded the pavement and miles zoomed passed me. I saw muted watercolour skylines and vivid redpinkypurple sunsets too. Witnessed birds flying in V formations overhead in their hundreds all the while I clocked the kilometers. Arrived home and was famished. Food tastes twenty nine times better after a run and the dopamine that floods your veins erases depression, mood swings, irritability, anger, anxiety; you feel optimistic, you feel positive, you feel like you can conquer any challenge and climb any mountain. You feel
I haven't been able to run for many years. Circumstances haven't allowed it, but I think about hitting the road in my running shoes, I think about creating a playlist again and smashing out those sprints to kickass tunes - often! It has been so soooo long. Do I sound like a junkie? That's ok. I'd rather be a running junkie over any other kind any day of the week!
It made me lean and lanky but holy fuck I felt powerful beyond measure. It was a memorable time, one of the few "FUCK YEAH!" times of my life. One I will always look back on with longing and appreciation. I never thought I would EVER miss an exercise routine, but it wasn't just exercise to me. It was the daily evolution of who I became because of it. Running made me a better version of myself in almost every way.
The only downsides to my running were that my boobs got a lot smaller and my bum wasn't nearly as plump. Everything else was awesome. Added bonus? If something was chasing me, they had no chance!
