Honored to call them my friends
*ALIEN-MATRIMONY-ANNIVERSARY-CELEBRATION-DAY!!!
Growing up in America was extremely difficult for me. From birth I behaved and thought differently then others, although I didn't realize this at first, until I was often attacked at school and in the home for being different. The attacking in itself made me realize at a very young age that their need for me to emulate their conformed standards for my own acceptance, was a futile proposition... I had no interest in being a part of a non accepting world whatsoever.
Suffice it to say, such personal dedication can result in feelings of isolation, Extreme loneliness, Anxiety, Rejection, Alienation to the highest degree, and a feeling of self inadequacies often ending with recurring thoughts of suicide... Thoughts that gave me the false idea, that finding a mate would complete myself, that somehow the other person would make me feel whole and that somehow all of my problems would be lifted.. Of course, this didn't work and only ended in resentment toward each other... I finally came to the conclusion that such neediness on my behalf was the source to all of my problems. I wanted to take but had nothing to give, other then the false notion that I could love, but how could I, if I didn't know what it was or never had it, and even if I did, how could I recognize it? Thankfully the failure of past relationships gave me the knowledge of what must be done... The main motivation was still the same. I needed happiness, but this time instead of finding it through others or outside sources like religion or group classifications, I realized that it had to come from myself. It was the toughest fight I've ever been through, the one of the self. I looked deep inside, took personal responsibility for my own actions, Changed the things that I didn't like, and learned how to love myself.. I no longer needed outside confirmation to complete myself... I was free and happy... It was during this period that I could finally embrace my alienation/uniqueness and be prideful of it.
Even going though such changes, the desire for a companion through life's journey is still there... This is the part of my story that will sound crazy HaHaHa... I sat on the grass of the school that was across the street from my apartment on a hot summer night with my faithful Leatherface (My old cat and best friend). Believing that all energy is connected, and that we are all GODS and GODDESSES, under the light of a Full-Moon, I placed my hands on the grass, used the Planet Earth that I sat on as a conduit, receiving electrical current from the Earth, through my fingers, to my mind, and out through the top of my head, transmitting out the message to the last girl of the dreams that had haunted me for so many years.. "I am ready for you"... You may laugh at my silliness, but 3 days later there would come a knock on my door. The same door that was like a MAGIC PORTAL, that when opened would reveal my one and only "Cocky-Ragamuffin-GODDESS" with the worlds largest heart.. Our own two unique worlds were about to collide, transform, and combine into unimaginable and beneficial directions, and this time it would be for the right motivations and reasons... Life is what we make it. If our own ideas aren't working for us, we have the power to change them... Life doesn't give us what we want when we need it. It comes to us naturally, when we're ready for it.
To my Best Friend, Life Partner, ONE and ONLY Goddess Jupitor, I live, Worship, Admire, Believe, Respect, Trust, Love, Accept, and adore you. Our universe is complete and yet ever expanding... Looking forward to another Thousand years with you... to Jupiter, Venus...and Beyond the Infinite.*
