Did your parents tell you that you are unique, that you are perfect the way you are, that you should follow your heart because your heart is beautiful? Many people would consider you lucky, if you had parents like that. But if they didn't support you to always be your true self, maybe your friends did, or your spouse? Or maybe you've read articles or books or seen movies encouraging you to find and cherish your unique identity? Even if all that has failed to support you, let me say it now:
Please be assured that the true you is the very best you have to offer to the world. And please accept this invitation to be true to yourself and show your colours as they are, because they add something to our life and reality that only you can add!
In general many of us realise that expressing our own unique nature will be the most satisfying and fulfilling thing we can do, both for ourselves and for the people around us. However, for some reason, putting this understanding into practice is not always as easy as we would hope. When we look at the reality of our lives, of our days, of our moment to moment thoughts - then we might well find that a lot of our energy is not so much directed at spontaneously expressing our true heart, our true mind, our true selves. Instead a lot of our time and energy and thinking is directed at others. We look at others from a space of comparison, always having ourselves in the back of our mind. How does the other perform? How does she look? How many friends does he have? How much money does she make? And is that better than how I am doing, or not?
We look at others, comparing them to ourselves and having this constant monitor bleeping in the background, constantly giving us the statistics. In this group, you're in the top 10 best looking people. In this group, you're with the 3 most successful. A constant ranking is going on. Which is not really a surprise. A lot of the systems we have built together are based on ranking, have made us habituated to it. Take the schooling system for example, where children are ranked and graded on their performance in topics as mathematics and language skills, but also sports and arts and musical performances. Or take Steemit - where your account name is followed by a number which shows your relative influence on the platform. I'm not saying ranking is bad or shouldn't be done or that it isn't useful in its own way. I am just saying ranking is such a common part of our daily lives that we have become habituated to it.
Before we are able to let go of the (self)destructive habit of comparison and jealousy, we have an important hurdle to take. In life, we will never let go of those things we feel are of a benefit to us. Did you ever find it difficult to drop a habit you know is harming you? For example, have you been wanting to quit smoking, but you fall back to it every time? Then probably your head is convinced smoking is bad, but another part of you carries an (unknown but strong) opinion that smoking is doing you some good. Maybe you feel smoking gives you a moment to collect your thoughts? To prepare and boost yourself for a task at hand? It gives you a reason to step outside for a few minutes and get away from the office stress? Or maybe doing something that you shouldn't be doing just gives you this sense of freedom, of doing things you want just because you want them? The reasons we have for continuing our habits don't have to be bad at all, or dark, or wrong. The problem is that we are finding a certain benefit in that habit, and that benefit is hidden to us - we are unaware of it. And as long as we are unaware of it, it will work on us and move us without us understanding why.
For us to really leave any habit behind, we need a full understanding of the benefits we think we are getting from it. In the example of smoking, if you really want to quit, you'll have to find out all the ideas you carry about how smoking is helping you in life, how you are perceiving that it is giving you what you wanted. If you find all the hidden benefits, you'll also understand what it is you need to support yourself with, so that you can fulfil what it is you are looking for in smoking in a different way. Smoking is giving you a sense of freedom? Then first understand that there is no real connection between smoking and feeling free - it is a connection you made, and because it is from your doing, you can also undo it. You created the connection between feeling free and smoking, so you can also make it go away. Your decision to do so will be enough. The most important thing is for us to be honest with ourselves, to look into all the illogical logic we carry, to build awareness of what we have created in life and what we want to uncreate.
When we look at others and are jealous of them, what feelings are at the core of that? We feel the other person has something we don't have, and that it isn't fair. They have something I'm not having, and life is not fair for treating us differently. We should be treated equally: if he is successful, I should be too, if she has enough money for great fashion outfits, then I should be having that. If her mom got her a 200 dollar birthday present, then mine should give me one also, if she is so talented at playing piano, I should be talented too. With jealousy we basically say life is not treating us fairly, and if it were, that we would be having the results we envy others for: If only life would be fair, I would have what you have.
Here is a question we should ask ourselves: What if life actually DOES treat us fairly? What if the results we have ARE based on the effort we put in? This article is not about convincing you that you carry all the responsibility for the reality you created. In my life, I try to build on the understanding that I am responsible for everything. But however helpful that cognition is and however much I could tell you to support this way of thinking, it is a different topic and not for this post. Here, I'll just invite you to the mindgame of pondering the idea that life responds to our efforts, to our intentions, to our decisions. Just consider for a moment that the people who have excelled in life - whether in their looks or in their careers or here on Steemit - have actually worked really hard to make that happen?
When we look at others and feel that they are better off, that they are more lucky, that they have an easier life or that they have more of what I wanted to have, then this is the hidden benefit to that: we don't ask ourselves what it takes to achieve that same goal, and we definitely don't put in the effort that is needed to get where those people are. Comparison and jealousy is an easy way out of actually putting everything you have, everything you are on the line to create what you want to create in life, to get where you want to be. Being jealous, the thought that the other person has it easy and that we have to work so hard, gives us a reason not to work hard at all. It gives us a reason to give up, to quit.
Be honest about it: you do not know what effort the other person put in. You simply have no way to measure how hard he or she has worked and is still working. Jealousy and comparison distract your attention and energy from actually doing what it takes. It hides that you are not giving your all, not putting 100%, hides your own giving-up mentality. And what happens when we give up? What does giving up mean for our true nature, our unique identity? It will never shine the way it is supposed to, never illuminate the world to its full potential, because we have decided to give only 80, maybe 50, maybe 30, maybe 10% of our life and energy into expressing ourselves.
Comparison and jealousy have a hidden benefit of saying that life is not fair. And that if life were fair, we would be doing better. Comparison and jealousy put us in a victim mentality, stop us from giving what we have, doing what it takes, persisting till we have what we wanted. Comparison and jealousy are a venom with which we poison ourselves. Because who gets hurt when we give up? We do. Next time you catch yourself watching another person, comparing their results to yours, feeling jealous of what they have and you don't - simply understand that this is what we people do, this is the way we people think, when we are hesitating to go for our goals 100%. Don't let your energy be diverted into comparing yourself - focus your energy on making your dreams come true, on expressing your unique self!
You are unique. You are what no one else is, you have what no one else has. The best you have to offer to the world is you! If you feel you are not expressing your potential, if you feel there are aspects to you that are yet to break through - then get yourself together and make it happen! Don't look left, don't look right, don't consider your neighbours and friends to be lucky. Just work at it, put in everything you have, and enjoy the ride! All of us have two parts to us: a part that persists and a part that gives up. It is up to you what part you give life to.
Thanks so much for reading through. Would you share your thoughts on why we stick to comparing ourselves and being jealous of others, when we have all the possibility in the world to step up and be unique and true? Looking forward to your comments, and your upvotes and follows are sincerely appreciated!
