It was on the 28th of October, 2022 at exactly 12:30 am, Debbie woke up that midnight feeling unhappy.
It was her 28th birthday, and unlike other birthdays this one was different, she felt like a loser simply because she felt she wasn't doing enough and today is another reminder that she was getting older, most of her mates were married with kids, and others work in a very big firm and living the lives of their dreams.
Debbie couldn't help but lay low in her bed to cry her eyes out, immediately her phone buzzed, it was a message from Jane her friend. "Hey Debbie, I've been trying to reach you since, how are you doing? Michael has proposed, babe we have a wedding to plan, please beep me as soon as you see this."
She stared at the message for about 2 minutes, with tears rolling down her cheeks. "Wow, congrats", she managed to reply, she immediately turn off her phone and began to question her God, "why does it seem everyone is getting their lives together while mine is falling apart? Is there something I ain't doing right? I ain't got the job of my dreams, and neither do I have a fiancee, I'm close to thirty and everything doesn't seem promising yet. Now it's another day to remind me my life is such a mess!"
She remembered how she had envisioned her life when she was younger, she had wanted to work in a reputable firm as a Human resource manager, get married at age 25, have her first kid at age 27 and her last child at age 29, now she's 28 and none of these dreams has been achieved. This triggered more blue feelings as her tears intensified.
Ever since she turned 26, birthdays have been such scary nightmares for her, it was always a reminder of how her life was falling apart and it reminds her how quickly time was running out and that she was getting older.
Debbie decided to get her mind off the worries as there was obviously nothing she could do about it, she decided to re-arrange her room before it was dawn because some of her friends might come to visit. While she was arranging her room, she stumbled on a very old journal of hers titled, "Ways to overcome depression".
" This is timely", she muttered, she started to open the pages of it, and then she started to read aloud...
"Gratitude, this is the easiest way to overcome depression, always count your blessings" she paused and decided to meditate on that, what were the blessings she's had so far?
She reflected on the fact that she has a very supportive family, quality friends though few, and a stable income though not the job of her dreams, and her little wins, she owned a mini bakery.
She further read, "Everyone's timeline is different" she meditated on this too, she remembered a friend of hers who got married at the age of 22 and is still yet to bear a child of her own and now she's thirty with no child, she also remembered another friend of hers who got married about a year ago in her early thirties and has her first child already. "Life happens" she murmured.
This proves that everyone's timeline is indeed different. What works for one person at a point in time might not work for the other, she started to wonder, "what if I had gotten married at age 25 and can't have a child of my own at age 27? Life doesn't work the way it works in my head," she chuckled.
She continued to read," Don't believe everything you see on social media, people only celebrate their success story and big wins on the media, nobody post how awful their lives are, how demanding their jobs are, how tough parenting is", she realized she might be happier than most of them and her life might be blissful than she thought, she had failed to see the positive side because she was always comparing her life to others.
As she read further, it says "stay positive and always affirm yourself" she realized the major reason for this birthday depression was that she focused on the negative aspect of her life more than the positive aspect.
In that journal, she read crying wasn't a bad idea, it allows her to ease her pain and makes her feel lighter. "Vent your anger or blue feeling on a piece of paper and then throw it away", she immediately picked up a piece of paper and vented on it, she wrote how exactly she was feeling after she was done, she tore it and disposed of it into the trashcan.
At this point, it was about 2:30 am at midnight, and she started to think of ways to make the day a productive one so she won't wallow in grieving throughout the day, she decided to put into practice all she has read from the journal.
She managed to arrange the room at about 3:00 am while listening to uplifting music, when she was done arranging the room, she fitted a beautiful white dress her bestie got for her, and then she prayed, hoping her dreams will eventually come true God's time, while she had a positive outlook that everything will fall in pleasant places for her.
And yes, she went to bed feeling lighter, happier, and positive.
Till we meet again, this is Amie Geoffrey.
