How Fasting Made Me Full

I would like to thank my king, AlphaAquarius, for helping me get through my first two-day fast. I know that I would not have even attempted this, let alone done it, were it not for him!

I knew it was the full moon on Friday, and I had thought to just fast then and go back to eating normally on Saturday (when I normally do a one-day fast on Saturday, and have been doing so for quite some time now), but I, on a whim, asked my king if I could try fasting on both Friday AND Saturday, and he said to go for it, and then told me that it was actually perfect, 'cause apparently there were TWO full moons, back to back, this April, so that it actually made sense to fast two days in a row. I hadn't even fasted during the full moon prior to this, but my king had come across information at the start of the month that said it was good to fast on the full moon on top of fasting during the new moon, which is what we had been doing earlier.

Anyways, the first day felt easy for some reason, even though it's usually more difficult for me -- probably because I had already set my mind to fast for two days, so what's one day when your mind is already thinking two? Part of the reason why it was easy was because I spent the night singing karaoke with my king, and then got to walk around with him while walking him back to his place. By the time I got home, I didn't even care about eating since it was so late. So my king made the first day of fasting go by quickly and awesomely.

That night was so fantastic, because my king has always been trying to teach me to feel the music, and during one of the songs, when I got up to use the washroom and came back, my body WANTED to move and dance, and I felt like I let it, and I feel like it was the closest I've ever had my body move of its own accord to music. It was to a Michael Jackson song, which really surprised me, because I never feel like dancing to Michael Jackson music because I feel like I still don't understand it. But, for that brief moment, my body FELT it, and I moved, and I really enjoyed it! I haven't REALLY danced in months, so I feel like I couldn't have thought of moves to do even if I had wanted to. I felt like I would have been forcing it if I tried dancing past that, so I stopped after that song, but I felt like it was a huge accomplishment and new experience to have been able to experience that, so I really appreciate sharing that with my king. As well, I felt my heart buzz while my king sang a song, which I have only felt a few moments since my king introduced me to spiritual songs, so I felt like that was special. Another special moment I experienced was when my king sang "Ben" by Michael, and I got all teary-eyed and emotional, 'cause he told me to be Ben, and at first I pretended to be a rat by making rat sounds just 'cause I felt like being silly, but then put myself in the rat's shoes and realized that I WAS Ben, knowing all the "friends" my king has given up to hang out with me, and knowing how real a friend my king is, and how lucky and blessed I am to have the relationship I have with him. We talked a lot during our walk back to his place and around his neighbourhood afterward, and he helped me understand more about what had happened, and helped me come to new revelations about myself, which my king always brings about. I was really thankful for it. I'm grateful for that extra time together, so that we could walk back together like we used to, and share an extended conversation like we used to.

Anyways, Day 2 (right now) started out a completely different story, since I hadn't exactly planned to fast for two days. I was feeling okay when I woke up, but I had asked my king if I could do an extra parasite cleanse on the second day as well, since the full moon is supposed to be the best time to do it, and he'd said yes, so I took a tablespoon of castor oil and a teaspoon of turpentine, and I was already feeling less up for fasting an hour in. Even before the two hours was up that I was supposed to wait to take activated charcoal to reduce the parasite die-off symptoms, I was already starting to feel really bad. I waited anyway and took it two hours later, and thought that it worked, and actually wrote something I was going to post on PocketNet, talking about how effective the activated charcoal was at removing toxins, but, when I stood up after writing the post, I realized I still felt really bad, so I didn't post it, and went to lie down instead. Honestly, I was so close to saying "fuck it "and eating something, 'cause I wasn't sure if it was the lack of food or the parasite die-off symptoms that were making my head and stomach feel funny, and 'cause my dad wanted me to help him with something, and I didn't feel like I had the energy to do it, but I asked my king what I should do, and he told me to just leave it, so I decided to continue the fast.

My head still wasn't feeling good when my king told me we could me up, so I considered bringing an apple with me just in case I felt like passing out when I got to his place and didn't think I could make it back to my place without food ('cause I remember the first time I fasted on a Saturday while doing a parasite cleanse, and I literally had my vision black out on me and had to crouch down a number of times to avoid fainting, and was lucky to have my king share a piece of Sebi-approved spelt bread with me at his place so that I could make it back to my place without passing out), but I said fuck it, 'cause I knew that I would be tempted to eat it and probably convince myself I needed it if I brought it, so I just went without it. I asked my king if I should just eat the fruit I normally do after a Saturday fast (an apple, a grapefruit, some mango, and an avocado, and he said that fruit was probably the best thing I could eat, if I was going to eat anything, so that's what I'm going to eat at 12am tonight (it's 10:44pm as I write right now). I told him I hadn't eaten anything since at least 6:40pmish on Thursday, so it would be longer than a two-day fast. That was 'cause I hadn't really been keeping track, 'cause I hadn't even really thought about doing a two-day fast until late Thursday night.

Anyway, I was considering even eating at 6:40pm tonight, since that would have already been 48 hours, but I usually don't eat until midnight on Saturdays, so I told myself I would try to stick it out. The fact that I started eating at midnight on Saturdays at all speaks to how much I like eating, 'cause I used to go until the next day to eat, but felt really hungry one Saturday night and asked if I could eat fruit at 12am because of it, and just kept going. It's actually a big deal to me that I'm not eating now, 'cause I actually don't feel that hungry, but already washed fruit to eat, and my king told me that my avocado was going to go bad if I don't eat it tonight 'cause it's already really soft, and because I know my mango is going to go bad, too, 'cause it already has black spots on it, and is kind of funny, 'cause I put it too close to the back of the fridge these last two days and forgot about it, so it kind of froze and changed textures on me. They're actually the reason why I'm going to eat. I'm pretty sure I could just go to sleep and wait to eat the next morning otherwise.

Anyways, that's not how I was feeling before I met with my king today. I was already considering so many times when I could stop the fast early, but my king reinvigorated my motivation to continue until the end of the day, and helped me keep my mind off eating so that I could get this far and reach this state. We sang songs until a little past 8pm, and then watched the end of Season 2 of Spartacus, and then watched some YouTube videos he'd shared on Facebook and other stuff. Before he left, I asked if I should eat when he left (at 10pm) or stick it out until the end, and he told me that it was my choice, but I decided to stick out it, since it was only two more hours anyway.

Yes, I'm writing this before I've actually done the deed, but I'm writing this early because I know I CAN do it, because my king helped me do it.

I feel excited that I've managed to last past 48 hours, and that I will have gone ___ hours by the time 12am hits. I'm gonna count now to see how many hours it will have been: 6:40 to 6:40 is 24 hours, then another 6:40 to another 6:40 is 48, plus another five hours and a bit will take me to midnight, so that means I will have fasted for 53 hours.

Unless you know how much I like to eat and how much I have as of late given in to how much I like to eat, this will not seem like a big deal, especially to the people who fast on a regular basis, and for longer periods of time, but I think this is helping restore a bit of confidence in the power of my perseverance.

My king has told me numerous times that my perseverance is part of what attracted him to me: I continued to dance for YEARS despite how awful I was (see the blog I kept about my danceclasschallenge as a testament HERE) and despite how many people talked shit about me behind my back and to my face in part because of it. I'm glad that this in part shows me that I still have willpower, when I put my mind to something.

As my king says, it's all in the mind, and I am grateful that he has helped me get through this fast, and all the other things he has helped me with (which will fill numerous books, when I write about them in the future).

Thank you so much, my king, for directing my perseverance in a good way! You told me that the full moon is about gratitude, and I would like to express here how grateful I am to have you in my life -- guiding me, being there for me, helping me, hanging out with me, teaching me, and gifting me with your time, wisdom, presence, energy, friendship, and love.

You are, and continue to be, the best thing in, and best thing that ever happened to, my life. I am, and ALWAYS will be, grateful for you and all that you do.

I can do without food, but I can't do without you!

This fast has only made me full of gratitude and love for you!

THANK YOU, my king! I LOVE YOU! ❤️❤️❤️

Love Always,

Cathy Candy Legs, Your TigressAquarius Forever!