When I was in my teens and twenties my father used to tell me that cars are a bad investment.
In my mind cars were cool, and so I would usually find an excuse for why he was wrong and just ignore it.
Years later I realized his advice was actually sound and that got me thinking:
why didn't I get the point? And what made it so that I still got the point later?
Maybe because I was too young to understand, or maybe there was something else.
One thing that got my attention is that back then, he was just giving me the conclusion. A short idea that he was expecting me to understand immediately "Cars =bad investment".
To his surprise and frustration I didn't, and that's because my context was different: "Cars are cool".
And so he just kept repeating it times and times again, he grew more and more frustrated with me, while I got better and better at ignoring his frustration. I guess everyone was making progress.
When it finally clicked it was because I heard somebody explaining WHY cars are a bad investment (except of course if you are investing in collectibles).
He took the time to explain the bigger context and help me to understand why cars are a bad investment. And now it made sense. So I've updated my mental model: "cars are still cool but generally speaking they are bad investment".
Looking back at this, made me realize that this is how people talk past to each other. We have an idea in our mind which make sense, and so we give it as a short conclusion expecting it will make sense for them just the way it does for us.
To our disappointment just to find out that the other person is not so willing to adopt it immediately. Why? That is because we did not take the time to explain our line of thinking and how we have reached this conclusion.
If we deliver an idea we have to also deliver the supportive system as well.
When you want to convince or to convey a point, you have to take the time to explain the bigger context and build a case for why that is true because ultimately for them to adopt your idea it has to make sense in their mind, not yours.
Ideas are like pieces of puzzle that have to fit into a bigger image.
Small ideas dont exist outside a bigger context, and context matters. A lot.
I think persuasion is about listening, understanding where the other person is coming from and what is their current model of reality, and then being able to deliver a new, compelling idea.
And here lies the problem, in our communication we tend to do exactly the opposite: we start with the idea, if that doesn't work we try to enforce it onto others -because it sounds right in our head, then we fight over it.
Once the fight is over we become much more open to communication and then all our conflicts are resolved.
This can be seen throughout history, times and times again. And if we were not to repeat the history again, we should take the time to properly communicate.
Words have power.
Image source
Ps: if you like this content please consider supporting my work; I would really appreciate if you could reblog/ share this.
Thanks.
