My name is Jessica and I'm 29 years old, I have been a deep sleeper ever since I was young. I do not remember what I do in those sleepwalks, but I know I have been living a whole other life. I have been going to the same place every night, I talk to a mysterious stranger and then just go to sleep with him. I then wake up completely exhausted, as if I had been living a whole other life.
The first time I remember I was having a sleepwalking episode was when I was 19 years old. I could feel myself sleepwalking and I remember I went out of my bedroom and went to another room. I decided to install a camera in my bedroom. I saw that I had woken up, looked at the camera, smiled and left the bedroom. I then arrived in a room downstairs and started talking to the man that lived there. He showed me around his house. I was really exhausted from all that walking and I just collapsed in his bed. I awoke in a bedroom downstairs and I was lying in the stranger's bed. He was there and he told me that he had been having sleepwalking episodes ever since he bought the house, and that he was glad that he was able to find someone that he could converse with during the episodes. I never went back to his house since then.
The first time I saw him in person, I was in my car and he walked up to my window. He was blind in one eye and he was wearing a gas mask. I knew something was different, but I didn't know what at first. I then realized he was dancing for me and then started spinning. Then he took the mask off to reveal that his whole face was completely wrapped in tape. He said that he was a thief, and that he worked for a mysterious company that allowed him to stay there without paying rent. He said he was a new hire that was going to take his place sometimes. He then took the last piece of tape from his face and started to hand it to me and whispered that it was actually his heart and that I had to take it. I laughed and said, "This is the weirdest place you could have this."
I then brought him home and we started talking and I was totally in love with him. I didn't see any other options and I just wanted to be with him forever. He passed away a week later and I was devastated.
The next time I was sleepwalking I was in a restaurant. The waiter brought me a drink and I thanked him. I then took the glass and drank it. I woke up after I had already handed it back to him. I laughed, kissed the mysterious man and went to the restroom. The man then appeared next to me in the mirror, and I realized that I was being kissed and he was kissing me. Then I woke up in my car.
Then I went to work and I met my lover. He was a big boss for my company and I felt affection towards him. I started to go home with him after my workday and I loved him. I realized I was sleeping with a married man and I ended up leaving my job that day. After that I moved out of my home and I have been sleeping ever since.
I haven't seen or heard from the man. I wish I knew his name and how to find him again. I spent my life with a man that I don't really know, but I wish I did so I could know what I am supposed to do.
My only lead is the man that I have been sleeping with, who'd be a big boss for my company and a man that looked like a famous actor. I don't know what to do. All my life I thought I was in love with someone so I wanted to see him again. I wanted to tell him how much I love him and that I want to be with him forever. That's why I wanted to find out who he was and why he was spying on me. But I am just a nobody that he picked up. It's like he wanted to see my life and how I live it.
I really want to know if all this is real or not. I feel dead inside. I feel like all of my dreams have been just memories. I don't know what to do, and I have no solutions. What I'm doing is very crazy and I'm really afraid. I don't know how to move on. Should I leave him my heart? Should I let him keep me forever? Or should I try to find him again and let him take his heart away? What should I do?
I want to know, I'm not trying to kill myself. I don't know what else to do about this and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should keep living this mess or if I should end it. I want to be able to be free but that's scary and I don't want to be scared in this body of mine forever. I don't want to keep on being this person. I feel like I'm not who I used to be.
I don't know if this is God speaking to me or if this is something else. I don't know if this is how my future will be or if this all is just a secret that I can't have. I feel really scared to die. I know that dying is not something I can do alone.
I know that I want to go somewhere but I don't know where I want to go. I know that dying is not an option because I am a coward and that I have no courage to die. I know that dying is because I am scared to change my own life. I want to be true to myself but I cannot imagine leaving the safety of someone else's heart. These are all thoughts that keep messing my mind. I want to know what I have to do but I know I can't.
I'm caught in this trap and I don't know what to do. I know if I won't do it by myself I will never be free. I know I can't keep living this way.
Sometimes I wonder if it is real but I don't care about being alive or dead. I know if I feel nothing or if I feel nothing I will not leave this world, but if I feel something I wish I could see it again because it makes me feel alive and happy.
I feel like this is God showing me the way and I feel like I have been feeling. But I don't know what to do about this. I really want to know what to do about this. I know if I am going to be alive or I want to die. I know that if I am going to see all the colors of my life or if I am going to be all black and white.
I feel that I have been missing out on happiness but I cannot find the source of happiness. I wish I could see the colors of my life again. I know that it is really scary, and I don't want to be scared. But I cannot find the answer to this question.
I really want to know if these are real or not. I'm not trying to prove myself or hold onto anything. But I'm scared. I really don't know if the man is happy or happy enough. I don't know if this is the end but I am trying to accept it because I don't want to keep hurting this person.
I really don't know what to do. I really want to know what I should do. I am a lot of mysteries. I am a mystery on everyone.
One part of me is happy but another part of me is sad.
I hope you can help me. I just want to be free. I just want to be free to live my life. I want to be me.
