She felt his touch all over, around and through her. A gentle sensation that radiated through her being. The sighs of longing for another, another chance, the chance to start again. A touch, a presence, a feeling that just never went away.
A salty tear smeared her face, she had tried so hard but never found anywhere else. He was gone. She wasn't strong enough to challenge this, not without him, not without this.
''You okay''
The voice struck her, she froze and recoiled, clutching to the pillow that was hiding her face from prying eyes.
''Just finishing a race, a 10k run. But it was a long run, I got to the finish in about 18 minutes.''
Slowly she relaxed, she didn't need to see his face. She knew it was him, she knew this all too well. His strong, but gentle voice, the way he would touch her to make the great finishing feel even greater. But it was time. She took a deep breath.
''Want to run together again?''
That was the first time she had heard it said, she thought it was a question until the hand reached her face, the touch put a shiver through her. She had run the last race together with him. Tears still on her face, she felt fresh sobs overtake her. A loud thud and a cracking noise near her head made her flinch. What the heck? As her eyes refocused she realised he was kneeling on the bed. His eyes had softened and she could see his lips quivering as he tried to hold it in. ''Baby, why?''
What did he say? 'baby', had he meant it? Was he about to start running again? She tried to turn but strong hands held her. She didn't need to look to feel the emotion that swirled around her, around them, around him. 'Baby', why was it so hard for her to say it, why was she finding it so hard to understand. She turned to face him. Tears still streaked her face. She didn't need to see his face, she knew he wouldn't be crying, he would have found it too much to let go of and keep all this grief buried. He was a soldier, a fighter. He had fallen in the line of duty, and they had both fallen on a higher level.
''Want to go running?''
She obeyed his voice and the hands that held her. The warmth, the peace, the sense of togetherness; it overwhelmed her. The sound of his deep voice, the gentle touch of his breath across her skin, the perfection of the world.
A loud bang came from behind her. She tried to turn but strong hands pushed her, keeping her standing. Another bang. The scream overwhelmed her, but his voice resonated into it. She tried to scream back but her voice was weak and her body was shaking uncontrollably.
''Get up, get up.''
She tried to move, the hands pushed her harder, until she reached the edge of the bed. She crawled across the floor. His hands lifted her, she looked around, spread across a string of canvas. Again the hands. He was holding her in the air. She tilted her head, trying to see him. His hands pushed her lower, the soft warm air. His movement with hers was a blur, his touch, his smell. His voice. Her own voice shook her, she tried to scream. Loud. Louder.
