I wrote this tonight in the wake of so many suicides, and specifically inspired by Anthony Bourdain's choice to end his life. It touched me greater than most celebrity deaths and suicides for a few reasons:
I love the show Parts Unknown. It goes so deep for me (and I'm sure many). The way he wove the culture and food and pervading societal conditions with genuine human experience and self-reflection is amazing ... even if he was kind of a dick when vocalizing about meat-eating. (Respect that he was willing to take the lives himself of the animals that he was consuming though.)
My father was classmates with him at The Culinary Institute of America. He told me this the last time I visited home when I asked if he had seen my new favorite show. He also expressed that he didn't really appreciate or particularly like Anthony, as he seemed like an arrogant, privileged, stuck-up kid with a shitty attitude. I tried to convince him that he seemed to have really transformed over the years and refined that manner into something great, but I could see the remnants of that as well.
Suicide has always held strange, confusing and somewhat elusive feelings around it for me. On one hand I have deep compassion for what any individual is going through that would lead them to make that choice. On the other, it pisses me off!! It's so self-centered and ungrateful and disrespectful of all that has gone into cultivating that life. On one foot, I respect everyone's sovereignty to make their own choices with their own life. On the other foot, who are you to give up on life when so many are suffering so much more with a smile on their face? I am completely baffled why anyone would take their life, and at the same time it makes complete sense.
I opened my new journal, and from those feelings and experiences this poem was born. It's pretty raw right now, and perhaps one day I'll refine it and even turn it into a song. It felt more lyrical to me than anything as it has a mixed flow and I can almost barely hear it, but I want to get it out while this is fresh in the collective conscious.
Sometimes we're caught up in the illusions.
We get engulfed in our own confusions.
Every time you want to give up on what you're being shown
Hold on a little longer to discover parts unknown.
One doesn't know where the next meal will come from.
One complains it isn't their favorite.
One lives in appreciation for every taste they get.
One takes for granted to savor it.
Raised privileged and bored.
Mouths washed clean with soap and
Rebelling against the mundane, daily losing hope in
Life gets real and to suffering eyes are open,
Those handed everything but given nothing are often the worst at copin'.
Maybe they had it too easy.
Maybe they had it too hard.
Maybe no one showed them how
A heart can be open even when it's scarred.
Will you be one to stay open and see
What living will have shown?
Will you be one who's brave enough
To discover parts unknown?
Whether life is tough and complicated or simplified and bland,
There's one thing every conscious being that exists can understand.
Experience is all about how you cultivate your attitude
And the best adjustment one can make is straight towards gratitude.
Life can be awkward.
Living is painful.
But giving it up is quite disdainful.
Seems like spitting in the face of this enchanted gift
This strange opportunity we are given to sift
Through the bullshit until flowers can grow.
Trust that eventually it returns to the flow.
And we know more for having stayed on the mission
To continue co-creating our unique vision.
Often we get very lost.
Feels as if our consciousness was tossed
Into the abyss of deep despair.
Know there are things to uncover there.
Though the path we set becomes rough and hazy
Don't let your mind give in to lazy
Thoughts allow the will to weaken
Find your strength and set a beacon.
Look to the light and cast an anchor.
Think of your mother and make sure to thank her
For this one-of-a-kind, original opportunity
To be the experience for the world that only you can be.
Will you be one to stay open and see
What living will have shown?
Will you be one who's brave enough
To discover parts unknown.
Infinite Love,
Alexis aka 
