I've been having such vivid dreams lately. They're all over the place! I wake up each morning, stunned by both the excellent dream recall I'm experiencing, and also the fact that I didn't realize it was a dream when it was happening. In one dream, I found a j-shaped piece of steel tubing, like an upside-down cane, and I stood on the curved part and rode it all over town. I was flying over all sorts of terrain, but never stopped to ask what was propelling this simple vehicle.
Although lucid dreaming has long been a goal of mine, I must say I am extremely satisfied and grateful just to be remembering dreams on a daily basis - this has almost never been the case for me, yet now they're flooding in every night. I have cut out weed and alcohol for the most part, maybe that's helped.
Actually, when I first decided to cut out alcohol, I spent several nights lying awake and staring at the ceiling. After two sleepless weeks, I reintroduced alcohol, but to a lesser degree. At this point I was drinking roughly two lightly spiked drinks each night, compared to three heavily spiked drinks. But recent events led me to try cutting it out entirely once again. After two nights of barely sleeping, I moved to bring alcohol back once more, but by a still lesser proportion. The last two nights, I've just taken a Tylenol PM with a shot of vodka before bed. I'm hoping to break the connection between sleep and alcohol, but for now I'm happy to at least say I've broken the connection between alcohol and a good time.
I no longer come home looking forward to that first drink after work. Instead, I look forward to seeing my family and spending fun time with my girls. This change has brought so much joy and color to my world. Now instead of viewing alcohol as a way to cut loose after a long day of work, I look at it as a sleep aid, and plan to phase it out slowly in order to make the change more sustainable.
I typically find with myself, that sudden and major changes don't tend to stick long, but if I build a habit gradually, I am able to integrate it into what feels like my normal lifestyle. This change in approach has helped me build a healthier relationship with food as well. In order to cut back on overeating, I first tried just cutting my calories massively - but I found that all it took was one small hiccup in my nightly plans/expectations, and I would find myself binging cheesy crackers and chocolate chip cookies in the pantry before bed. Next thing I knew, I was overeating throughout the day again. So I took this "slow change" approach a few months back with food. I switched to a wide window version of intermittent fasting, allowing myself to eat only between 12 and 8 PM - but also allowing myself to adjust the plan according to the signals my body is sending me. Most days now, I really don't feel the need to eat before noon, but when I feel extremely hungry in the morning, I just have a small snack. Or today for example, I was both hungry this morning, and aware of the fact that I will be getting my hair cut during lunch - so I went ahead and ate my lunch right when I got to work. By making this subtle change and allowing myself some wiggle room, I seem to have created a system that doesn't feel like deprivation; this has thus far eliminated the desire to binge on junk food at night, as I feel like I am generally satisfied, and not denying myself basic comfort.
I wonder if not eating after 8PM has also helped with my dreaming? I would like to think so.
I've also completely cut out anything NSFW and deleted all "scrolling media" from my phone. I never used Facebook, but things like Instagram, X and TikTok have been an addition that consumed much of my free time - and also tended to trigger me towards the aforementioned vice. I am focused and dedicated to being the best version of myself, and to judging my progress on an awareness of where I am vs. where I started. Too often I have gauged my progress based on where I am vs. where I want to be, and under these standards it is easy to feel like you're not progressing - which (for me at least) leads to quitting altogether.
I am trying to use the same gauge to measure my progress with the quena. There are days when I look at where I am vs. where I want to be with the instrument, and I think - who are you kidding man, you're wasting your time; you'll never get there. But when those thoughts came in today, I took the lesson from my self-improvement journey and looked at where I started as the basis for comparison. When I got my first quena, I thought it was broken! I couldn't make a sound for the first week and, when I did, I could only make a sound with all the holes open...trying to cover holes or change notes back then would completely break the sound. After a month or two, I could play a consistent sound while walking up and down the scale, but half-holes and the second octave seemed like impossible dreams. After the first year, I could do these things, but playing along with recorded music seemed unachievable, completely out of reach. Now, after something like 4 years, I can play along with many songs - yet still others seem impossible. If I gauged the quality of my growth off of these seemingly impossible goals, I'd feel like a failure - but when I look back at all the things that once seemed impossible, I am infinitely aware of the fact that those things that are impossible now, will one day be second nature.
Today I played along with Bob Marley's One Drop. It wasn't a planned thing. I was listening to the Natural Mystic album on my way to work, and when this song came on something in the key just sounded right. I put up the camera, restarted the song, and took a blind stab at a brand new improvisational play-along - this is a fun way to pass the time while driving, and the pressure is officially off. These days, I just look to the quena for a fun and light hearted way to interact with other musicians, and although I have goals of continuously improving, I don't have any expectations as to how fast it will happen...which leaves no hiding place for disappointment or frustration to creep in and ruin my happy vibes. Uploaded using 3Speak Mobile App
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