It seems that no matter where we go, what we do, how we do things, or who we mingle with there will always be that creature in the shadows called judgment.
For many, many years I have struggled with this tormenting creature and it wasn’t until a few months ago that I was able to make him fade away.
What people don’t understand is that words can cut deeper than a sword...
For many of my teenage/and young adult years I was told horrendous things about myself from friends, strangers, and as horrible as it sounds, even a few family members chimmed in. The more I heard these things the more I believed it. Then it wouldn’t take long before the media put its two cents in with its unrealistic views on how the “perfect body” or “ideal body” should look. With anarexic, size 00, photoshopped barbie dolls strung across their chizzled abed, air brushed skinned ken doll. Then around the next corner their is Facebook shouting “if your picture isn’t absolutely PERFECT then suffer the consequences of having incredibly inappropriate body shammers comment on your photo and criticize every inch of YOUR body for no reason BUT also we don’t want you to be too perfect or we may just hate mail you for that too.. actually never mind just don’t do anything... ahh.. there you go, yes, perfect”
Before I would look at myself in the mirror and see: ugly, fat, worthless, less than perfect skin, less than perfect hair, old/drab clothes, yellowing teeth... and the list goes on. These were all the things I’d been told about myself in some round about way and it’s all I could see anymore. I couldn’t see that I was extremely well educated, and that I surpassed most of the population by going to college and sticking with it. I couldn’t see that at 22 years of age I was further along and more successful than most 40 year olds, with owning a house, owning my own successful business, having a retirement fund, dabbling in cryptocurencys, and stocks. I couldn’t see that I was beautiful... I couldn’t see that I was beautiful...
What changed?
I’ll be honest.. there was no magic potion or AHA moment that I was like WOW I’m amazing what was I thinking... it took time... a lot of time. I started to ignore these toxic people that I once let get to me and told myself “you know what, they are wrong, I love me, because the ME I know is pretty damn cool, smart, and knows better than to listen to people like them who only feed off of hurting others and/or are just striking a match of jealousy.” I started following positive uplifting people on Facebook and listening to their daily rants of positivity. I got out more! Did things I would have never done before (like get in a bathing suite and have fun in a crowded area). Enjoyed life again and just honestly stopped caring about what everyone else thought.
I started loving myself for not only what was on the outside but for on the inside as well.
So here’s to loving yourself! Be you! Love YOU!! Because I’m sure YOUR amazing and let no one tell y’all out otherwise.
