Talking about Valentine's day, it's one that most times make me think about relationships, fancy dates, and the likes, including the various couple's pictures that would fly around the internet and all.
But as time goes on and I've grown, I very well understand things much more. In as much as all of that is good and not wrong, it's very important that I love myself first. Yes, that's the first, "loving myself." Loving myself has nothing to do with being selfish, no, but loving myself helps me to love another. There's no way we can pour from an empty cup, meaning you can't give what you don't have. So, when you din have love in you(don't love yourself) how will you love someone else or be able to show it to them genuinely.
Loving myself as well means that I value my peace, that I forgive myself when I fail, that I don't beg to be loved or reduce myself just so I could be accepted/seen/appreciated. And I think it's best to add that this is personal and as well coming from the few experiences I've had. I've had a lot of times when I came through for people, I gave so much of myself out that it so much weaken and drained me. That was when I realized that I'm loving myself less, I'm allowing myself to be used and drained while accepting less than I deserve.
And talking about experiences too, there was a time I was seriously ill, emphasis on "seriously." It was a time that changed everything about me. I had to undergo various surgeries, tests and all, it was as if my body wasn't even mine anymore. And in that season of life, I saw people for who they really are, and I saw love in different forms. I have friends who stayed, I have those who didn't, those who called and those who didn't. But out of it all, there's this person that stood out, my mum.
I've always called my mum "my friend." Even though it's more deeper and she's more than that to me. But my mum is someone I relate with so well that if not for the very obvious age difference, you will find it hard to believe she's my mum. We are so close. And during my illness period, she stayed even more closer than ever. She didn't hold anything dear to her heart anymore, it was just me and my well-being, she would sit by me in the hospital, they would even have to persuade her to go take her bath or rest.
She would feed me, I remember a time when I was told not to eat for a long time, it was just drips and injections, when I was later told I could now drink some water, she was all over the moon, she was so happy. While I was fighting for my health, she was right there fighting for me, she would stay awake praying and all. That season changed the understanding I have of love and friendships.
So, I so much love my mum, and she's my best friend, I call her "bestie," anytime I want to discuss deep things with her. But then, on the question on who should I love first, my answer is myself. Because I really need to value my life and well-being to be able to see, appreciate and recognize the sacrifices made for me. I need to love myself first so I could protect and care for my life, body and future my mum prayed, fasted and cried over.
I have close friends, best friends, but my mum would still come first if I were to choose. I will be married someday, and by then, my wife will be my closest companion. But for now, it's my mum. The woman who loved me at my lowest, the one who loved me even before I know myself or know what love is. The one who showed practically what real/true love is, without counting the cost.
馃尮
Images are mine.
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