You told him you wanted a break, don't know how he interpreted it but after some months you saw him on the internet getting frenzy with another lady. It would be Sad! at first but later you would realise, silly him for he couldn't wait or better put definition the instruction.
"I need a break"
"I want to break up with you"
These are two different instructions and we tend to misinterprete them most times!
They are as different as Separation and Divorce.
A break could as well be temporary as it could end up being permanent.
A break-up also could be permanent as well as it could be temporary.
Now what exactly is a break
A Break is a temporary split, a rest, a pause. It could be caused when one partner is having cold feet or better put going through a phase that he/she needs to be alone to sort out. It is not the end...it is just a space.
A Break-up is to dissolve, end and stop a relationship. It comes from a think through from one or both ends and then the resolution. It is to terminate the agreement of always and forever.
I have three rules I go by in relationships.
• Learn to define the instruction- Is it a break or a break-up? Is it permanent or temporal? For how long is it expected to last? Can I see other people during the break?. All this answered I learnt to channel whatever energy into the productive things. It saved me alot of heartbreaks and tears of course. That way I know what to cry about and what to repair.
• Never accept a Break-up if you are not ready for it- Like I said, this rules are mine and it has worked for me a whole lot. A guy has issues with me and I try to work things out, repair it if it's reparable and fix if it's fixable. A lot of breaks could be avoided if we could just resolve to fixing the broken edges. Moving on would be entirely difficult with a bunch of what ifs ( what if I had apologised?, What if I had suggested therapy?, What if we had worked things out? What if what if). You should avoid that.
• Ask Questions, Find Answers Seek Closure- Trust me, the best way to get it right is to ask questions. The next question after a "I need a break" or " I need to break up". The next reasonable reaction is not an outburst, a flow of tears or a walk out. The question should be why? Why do you need a break, why are you breaking up with me?
Then you heard it now ask "Is there something I can do to change your mind?".Now remember this questions are not mandatory if you feel the same way. You don't have to pretend about it if you wanted it too.
So whatever it is learn to define the instruction, never accept it if you are not ready for it and always ask questions.
Remember a heartbreak can be avoided, reduced or treated with the right approach.
Your Friend,
