I think I heard the scream before I uttered it. I opened my eyes and immediately knew: something was wrong; I closed them again for a moment and had a vision: hell, frozen. There are rules about this; hell must burn, sometimes more, sometimes less, but hell must always burn. It had not happened yet, but it would happen if I didn't arrive on time. I finally woke up and left the coffin. I ran like the wind through each of the corridors that I already knew by heart, until I reached the labyrinth. Damn it! The labyrinth! It would take centuries to reach the center. I still didn't know it well and I had never gotten far, but I had to go inside, I knew it. I never understood why he put this thing here, it was almost impossible to get to the center and almost impossible to get out, and that did not make sense to me. Nothing of what is down there is so terrible as to lock it up for eons, I have told it a thousand times: "if you only listened to them and faced them, they would not be afraid of you, and you would not be afraid of them". But he ignores it, and I know that in the end, I'll still learn every damn dead-end street in this place.
Right, left, right, right, not here, not left, and left again ... I got to the worst part, it was here where I always got lost. Everything was circular, and each surface was covered in mirrors. I was paralyzed half a second without knowing what to do; and then I heard it again, another scream, and then another. I had to get to Him. Soon. So I did the only thing that occurred to me. I sat down, closed my eyes, and began to pray. Yes, I know it's a bit strange that I, above all, would pray, and in this place. But for me it was just like meditating, and I needed to find the way, the exit (entrance?), the center, somehow. And I did not have many options, nor did I have time to get lost. I watched the inside of my eyelids for a few seconds, and started the process. Breathe. Feel. I felt my chest, and I looked for it inside me, something I knew existed only in theory, but I never wanted to believe: the thread that bounded me to His Existence.
My heart opened up, I could almost hear it explode, I ran out of air, but I found it. I took the thread and followed it, and followed it, and followed it, until at last I could see the sun in the distance. Wait ... The sun? Impossible. It shone too brightly, so what else could it be? I got closer, and the closer I got, the more my skin burned with that terrible heat that seemed to emanate from the light. When I finally arrived, I felt I would die, but I understood what I was seeing and feeling. His soul. Oh! He had a soul! I would laugh about it in his face when I found him. I reached out to touch it, and it burned me. I tried to withdraw my hand but I couldn't. I had a moment of despair until I decided that it could not burn me if I did not let it. And immediately that terrible pain began to subside. I always forget that I too, have my own fire. I already knew how to get there, enough.
I opened my eyes. The mirrors were gone. In fact there was nothing, more than a solid gray floor and a hole there on the middle, wide open like a desperate, demanding mouth. I understood too many things at the same time. I understood the purpose of that stupid labyrinth. It was not to prevent anything from entering or leaving, it was a filter. And it was a filter only I was able to pass, because it was I who had the key to that lock: I could find it even in the most terrible darkness, because my life was tied to His Existence, but better still: His Existence was tied to my heart.
I took a deep breath and prepared to go down. If you ask me, no, I was not afraid. It was more a mix of anxiety and despair. I was not afraid to go down, but the anticipation of what I could find down there was tearing me apart. I went running like an arrow, flying across the stairs. I went down for too long, and the deeper I went, the more pressure I felt in my heart. I was close, I could feel it. At last I reached the last step, and I was paralyzed by what my eyes saw.
They were all around Him, fierce, huge, threatening. I knew they existed but I had never seen them. He wouldn't let me. They burned brightly, roared in a language I could not understand. Their skins were of red stones like the fire of a volcano, they had several arms, and claws instead of hands. I felt my face wet and I realized I was crying. They were beautiful. Each and every one of them. And there were too many, piled up around something that couldn't distinguish. I kept approaching, and if they noticed my presence, they decided to ignore it, because none of them saw me until I was too close. Then I felt dozens of eyes on me, and I stayed stuck to the floor. But they just looked at me.
One of them approached, and sniffed me a little. I was determined to stand firm and not show fear, although now I felt like vomiting my heart out. But then he backed away, still not taking off his red pupils from my body. I watched him in more detail, and I felt like he was the one who was afraid of me. I raised my hand to touch it and there was something similar between a sigh and a collective grunt, so I froze. Inhale. Exhale. And I finished closing the space that separated my hand from that being that looked at me as if I were an atomic bomb about to explode. It was soft and cold to the touch. How curious! I looked into his eyes, and discovered his secrets, I saw a thousand lives locked in the flames of his little mind. He blinked and walked away, not with fear anymore, but confused. I started looking at them one by one, and everywhere I looked, I saw almost the same. They were tears without spilling, untold stories, empty moments, terrible thoughts, betrayal, pain, pain, pain, and fear.
After a few moments I think everyone understood my presence, and I understood their purpose. I decided to keep walking and one by one they retreated from my path, I touched one and then another, and my heart expanded until the sensation completely flooded me. Until I finally saw the object of so much anger. There He was, in the middle of them all, a tiny ball of misery on the floor, naked, His shiny skin covered with sweat, His breathing agitated, and His eyes closed tightly. From His mouth came a whisper with despair, a single word, again and again:
"NO. ¡NO, NO, NO! NOOO"
In half a second my heart broke in a thousand fragments, and in the other half second I gathered all the pieces and put them back together again. I approached and sat on the floor next to him. All the demons turned away and left, I thanked them for their privacy. Immediately His breathing calmed down, until it was soft and controlled. I put a hand on His shoulder, and it was like electricity: He knelt right away, His hands took my wrists tightly, His eyes locked on mine, crazy, insane, without a hint of rationality. But I was me. I flexed an arm violently and quickly, until my elbow connected with his face, and His grip softened, so I released myself and immediately one of my hands flew up to His neck. I squeezed both sides, pressing on His throat. I took a good look at Him, at his wild and inhuman eyes, his pupils were violet, and inside only light. I looked for every flame inside of me, and I lit up to take out all the fire that was capable of producing. I also have my own hell, darling.
"Look at me, look at me, I'm not afraid of you. Do you understand? So stop this scene because I do not know who you think you're dealing with, but I need you to remember who I am."
I finished talking and everything was silent. I let go a little, and He seemed to take a breath. He nodded, and I saw the light behind his pupils come back to the surface. Slowly the little sanity he had left was back in his eyes. I released Him. We stayed there, looking at each other for a while. Until he decided to collapse on my lap. He hugged my waist and cried. He released every tear he had never dared to cry.
We stayed there for centuries, my hands tangled in his hair, caressing with all the love of the universe each of his demons, passing the tips of my fingers delicately over the scars on his back. Even someone like Him had the right to love and be loved. I also cried. For Him, for myself, for us. For this hell to which we are condemned, HIS hell. Beside him, my dark rooms look like a joke. But the fire He gave me I was able to bring him back. I understood that everything was fine, that even here in the most recondite part of the Universe, within the most intense fire that has been created, the most terrible hell that could exist, everything was fine. Because my fire and His fire were able to understand each other. My demons and His demons could sit quietly and just chat... Most of the time. His soul and mine would be bounded forever. And that would keep hell burning, the world spinning, the Universe existing, until no more. And when we disappear, we will do it together, each of my atoms tied to each of His own, vanishing into nothingness along with everything else. Until fire and ice are part of the same, until the Supreme Mind decides to wake up.
Everything is fine.
Hell is not so terrible if I live it with you.
