At the weekend the good lady and I were visiting friends who had just spawned another human into the world. There was much ooh'ing and ahh'ing at the new child from the respective ladies at the gathering. The guys, however, were clustered around a very different kind of baby.
Mr C, the new Father, stood before us and caressed the black object in his hand.
Arrived last night. It's amazing.
Oooooh
Said the guys gathered around him.
It's beautiful.
Said one.
Really gorgeous.
Said another.
Can we... Can we get a shot?
Said I.
Mr C nodded like an old-time barber selling gentleman's delights from under the counter.
Of course you can. Just let me boot up the old bad boy.
He leaned over and switched on his PC. It started to whirr and make diddit diddit noises as the booting up ritual commenced. We all clustered around excitedly, waiting for the magic to happen.
Daddy, can you take your son a second? I want to hold the baby.
Called my good lady from the other side of the room where the ladies were clustered around the newly born baby. Dash it. Mr C's PC had just booted up and he was now navigating to his games folder.
He held out the big black goggly device.
Who wants to go first?
I looked longingly at the outstretched VR set. It was an Oculus Rift, I had been hearing so much about them lately. I desperately wanted to go first. I opened my mouth to shout firsties but just then the good lady called me again from the other side of the room. This time a little more sternly.
Coming.
I grunted, grudgingly.
I went over to her and took our son from her. She was passed the newborn and gazed at him with that heady mix of love and stupidity that some people get when they look at newly born babies. I jostled our own child, the little boom, in my arms trying not to be too obvious as I stared across the room enviously at the guys who were now yelping and cheering as they took turns on the VR headset.
The good lady looked up at me, her face flushed with hormones and madness. Most likely from the smell of new baby in her arms.
Would you like a turn?
She asked. A strange look of befuddlement and joy on her face.
I almost jumped for joy. Aw, would I! Yeah. I have been dying to try VR for ages. I thought I was going to miss my chance as well but no, the good lady has come through.
I would love a turn!
I squeaked out, hopping from foot to foot.
The good lady leaned over and took our son in one arm and with the other passed me the newborn.
Erm, whatcha doing?
Said I, itching to get to the other side of the room where the real action was happening.
I thought you wanted a turn?
Replied the good lady innocently. Too innocently.
I grumbled. Looks like I had been foiled again. Oh well. I rocked the baby for the pre-requisite amount of time so as not to offend the new parents and then handed the little blighter back. This was it. Time to get all VR! I headed over to join the guys.
Daddy? We will have to go now. The little boom is tired.
I stopped in my tracks. Torn between playing some Alien killing VR game with the guys and being a responsible parent. With a heavy sigh, I helped gather the stuff and we headed off.
I was a little quiet in the car. As we pulled up outside our house the good lady looked at me.
I saw the way you were acting back there... You want one, don't you?
She said with a knowing smile.
My heart skipped a beat. Was I so transparent? Had she seen right through to my shallow heart? I would love a VR headset. Oh my goodness me. This was amazing! Sometimes I and the good lady seemed to be so connected it was quite unbelievable.
I do actually. Should we?
This was it. VR time for Boomy!!
The good lady made a serious face.
It's quite the commitment, I don't know if we should rush into it?
Commitment? What was she talking about? Had she been sniffing glue?
Not really lass, I just need to buy a better graphics card for the PC. That's about it.
The good lady barked out a laugh.
Ha! I meant a baby. Not that silly computer game thing the guys were all playing!!
She laughed like an ostrich in a communal shower. I made a humphing noise and silently discarded my VR dreams. One day perhaps, I promised myself... One day...
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What about you? Have you ever been the subject of some terribly crossed wires? Does your partner tease the living daylights out of you??
Tell us your best tales in the comments. I will be there to listen!
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