Some hidden thoughts. Weekend Commitment.Week-220

Most of us will be as happy as our minds command us to be.

Abrahan Lincoln

Hello hello dearest community of weekend experiences, today I am once again participating in the themes proposed by our host @galenkp, and of which I have decided to opt for the following one:

What are three things you think but would never want anyone to know? Explain them. Use your own photos.

Throughout life people accumulate memories and thoughts, the former you lived, the latter are the result of your inner being shaped by the different circumstances of human existence.

And so for many years, evading the circumstances, I lived like an amoeba, without many internal organs, plethorically unicellular as I moved around with my pseudopods for something to eat, and finally I came to settle down placidly without anything or anyone bothering me, everything else may be unpleasant - about amoebas - I mean, but it just helped me to isolate myself and not to think too much.
In truth, this abstract thinking is just a defence mechanism to laugh at myself, and to scare the unwelcome fly away from anything that disturbs my inner peace, although there have been three or four elephants that have been quite resilient in the face of my human survival wall.

First thought unveiled.

I need to stop behaving like a man.
I'm not talking about the fact that I'm attracted to women, nor do I have anything against sexual tastes involving people of the same sex, I'm talking about the thousands of circumstances in which I've had to assume a male role on behalf of myself or my family.
When you go out into the real world you're bound to crash into it, I mean, are you going to let them crash into you? And when you are a person willing to materialise plans, whatever they may be, you have to get rid of a very common evil in women: shyness, and project yourself with an attitude as confident as that of an alpha man, tall and strong, who arrives shaking the floor with his expensive leather shoes, and furthermore, tries to make you believe that you are nothing more than a tiny mollusc for the purpose of your purposes, and it is at that precise moment when the macho mode that inhabits my obscurity is activated. A woman can also discriminate against you like that, is it just a matter of luck, no, it's not a matter of luck at all, it's a matter of proving that you are there for it.
The real problem is revealed when you get so much of the macho under your skin that you begin to believe it is a functional and practical extension of your body, and at the same time strengthens your personality. That's why I constantly keep the macho under control to free my beautiful abducted femininity.
And also, because it is tiring to live under the acting cloak of a male.

Second Thought

. Fear of loneliness.
I think it is a very common thought in people, recreating in the distance that age when the children leave, the family is small, and suddenly you see yourself alone sitting in an armchair in front of the TV watching the fourth world war between Trumpists and Democrats for the twelfth time, an intrusive thought, accompanied only and exclusively by loneliness.
I must confess that this elephant has only recently appeared, I used to be a little indifferent to these questions, but after fifty it is beginning to take its place in the Machiavellian line of inquisitors.
But, the best thing is not to be intimidated and I tell him in one breath not to waste his time, that I will not be remotely alone or abandoned, and that he should leave me alone, that between the pretty friends in the old people's home, the new series of the moment, my tomato garden, and the little ones in the house there will be no room for his tribulations.
Time is incredibly deceptive, but perfect, and this is the time to start rowing against it, or just let yourself be carried away by middle age.

Third and final thought

The journey

I have never travelled outside my country, my mountains and my beaches have been the maximum of my 588 linear kilometres, so I still feel like a villager trapped in a very different fauna from what exists out there.
People in general love to travel, to know what they have never seen only through a glass, to breathe that new air impregnated with the smell of other flowers, of other lands, of the sea, of the people, of their streets, of their houses, of the new smell of bread.
The problem comes when you start to worry about the safety of your flight, that they don't close the door properly, that the pilot falls asleep, that the refreshments run out, and a string of indescribable nonsense, and no, I am not going to succumb to so many inconsiderate laments, a journey cannot be so dramatic.
Then this elephant comes along and asks me to review all the causes and effects, not to worry, things will be fine. This elephant is intelligent and makes me dream, romanticizing the thought of the perfect journey, that life is only one and that there is no time to lose, and as you can see, time arrives again and continues to set the important guidelines of your life, and I just think: does this elephant want to fuck up my life?
But what I think about most is how to start again.

Life is organized in an order of thoughts, some are priorities, others are annoying, some just fade away, and others become cowardly and treacherous.

The important thing is to stay with those that keep your life in order and with a peace of mind that will allow you to survive through your best or worst decisions.