Not once have I heard someone say to me that I changed. And not once have I asked myself how, why and in what way. I mean have I become better or worse and I'm not talking about external appearance as in this department I'm not that changed. I'm talking about how others "feel me" and how they resonate with me, my lifestyle and why not my character.
I realized recently that when someone says to me that I changed is actually unconsciously saying that I no longer fit in his/hers image of me and the "standards" that I was given by them long time ago. It's clearly also that he/she doesn't like my new me either and that's the actual change referring to. This change is more like an escape from patterns that I was before in and accepted as.
That happened especially a few years ago when I became a vegetarian and started to take care of my body and mind more than I used to, quitting alcohol also and other patterns. Thus being more and more absent from parties and ultimately "changing". I was for many years a "party's soul and funny guy" and that's how I was "dressed" in the mind of many of close friends and relatives and when gradually gave up on some of my habits I became the "changed" label and the uncertainty around me of whether it's good what I'm doing or not.
Although any of us changes throughout a lifetime we somehow don't want others to change and that's why we see them as "changed". We want our life partners to stay the same we felt in love with, kids to never go old and leave us behind and time to never make our hair white and wrinkles grow bigger.
But life's not supposed to be frozen and lived on repeat. It is supposed to be spontaneous and in continuous change so it would be better to be prepared and embrace the changes in others around us than fight against them and see them as non-compliant. This way they won't change anymore, but they will always be new and fresh to us regarding of our patterns and old images that we would like to fit them into.
I embraced long time ago the change, uncertainty and spontaneity and not because I wanted to, but because LIFE wanted to. Too often has IT proven to me that nothing is permanent and everything will ultimately "change", and sometimes with the speed of light, so I'm reacting different to this kind of exclamations and I even excluded them from my vocabulary. Moreover I am even excited when I see that "change" in someone because I understand it, I feel it and I know where it comes from.
But not everyone does it so I'm still "changing" continuously and escaping patterns and why not sometimes disappoint...as some of the ones building them on me are too egocentric to accept a new me and deal with him properly, but that's life and who am I to change others to fit me? Sometimes you add and sometimes you subtract and I enjoy both of them and don't find either of them superior. I embraced such reactions instead of protesting, explaining myself and defending myself and see them as welcomes rather than "tolls" to whom I shall declare my goods.
Thanks for your attention,
Ace
