I was always searching for someone who I could waste time with, but I found through experience that it wasn't about having someone with you.
It wasn't even seeking out a new distraction from the world.
I found that emerging myself in the world around me on an emotional level was satisfying, devilishly indulging that hole we all try to fill.
Every step of the way opened doors to feelings and thoughts that had once been locked away.
My self criticism became a magnificent allangrando, slowing to an understandable pace and loud enough to hear through new ideas.

My art of being alone has surpassed the need to play video games.
Learning and gaining knowledge proved to have the most delightful effects of accomplishment and stimulation, far more than any in-game trophy.
I rekindled my love for reading; Dale Carnegie's works taught me the sociological results of maintaining a positive attitude and approaching others without criticism.
Norman Doige's book ,"The Brains Way of healing" heavily explained the uplifting neurological benefits of a positive mind.
Robert Anton Wilson's works enlightened my mind and concreted the mass of information into a quantum psychological experience.

I've began writing again, I had forgotten how expressive and emotionally stimulating it was to pour your heart into meaningful words.
Writing let's me cope in a healthy way that I hadn't experienced in a great while.
When my mind floods full of emotion I write, creating a dam that focuses the rushing waters into a passionate river.

Playing guitar has given me a means to burn off the thundering strength of physical reactions caused by tragic feelings.
Practicing scales and nodes up and down the neck of Ruby, developing my skills, giving birth to new synaptic connections, and generating muscle memory.
The waves of sounds vibrate my bones and bang the drums of my ears, putting me in a trance of time like a metronome of the conscience.

Studying semantics has shed light on my ability to create meaningful words expressing a myriad of emotions.
Breaking down a words meaning by piecing together others around it.
Defining a statements context and elaborating it's meanings.
Disassembling arguments has become a form of entertainment for me.

I enriched my environment and cleaned my home with high hopes that my mind would follow.
It was an effort both physically and mentally, a task heavy in thought and draining of stamina.
A spark lit my flame, bringing life to my spirit. I knew that every step was hard even though I had no end game.
Rewarded slightly with each step up the never ending hill, breathing life and filling my vial with vitality and vigor.