I felt the sting of a slap burning an imprint on my cheek.
"Wake up sunshine."
"God dammit!"
I rolled to the side of my bed and swung my feet onto the ground. I stood up out of the bed. I squinted and my suspicions grew as I dug my toes into the freshly cut grass.
"Where the fuck am I?" I groggily mumbled. "And why did you wake me like that?" I rubbed my cheek.
I glared into the deep hazel eyes of the figure standing in front of me. Cocking my arm back, I swung an open palm to his face.
The sound echoed through the field, causing a wave to shake the trees. The scenery flipped around 180 degrees as the hot sting of a slap landed on my other cheek.
"God dammit, that hurt more than the first!" I rubbed my cheek, the pain intense and jarring.
I stood there still glaring at the figure, looking distraught.
"You're telling me! You hit hard." He shook the pain from his hand.
I glanced past the figure and to the sky. Three full moons formed a perfect triangle around a white sun.
"This is my dream, get out!" Shock and awe washed over me as I looked to him now wearing an ear to ear grin.
"Not as slow to the chase as before."
"Why here, why now?" I just wanted some sound sleep without quarreling my own mind..
"Always asking why, never enjoying the present, and always beating yourself up."
I heard a tractor’s backup alarm in the distance.
"You control everything in here, yet the only thing you've done is beat yourself up about it."
I thought about what he said for a moment until I remembered the blistering pain on my cheek.
"You woke me up with a slap to the face!" I threw my arms out in frustration
"That's how you perceived it dude. And don't lie—you know you liked it." He grabbed his crotch and thrust his lower half. "You just need to “chalm” down."
The sound of the tractor grew louder.
"I am calm, I just..."
"No man, your chalms." He raised his hand above his head.
"See, your chalms are way up here, you need to bring your chalms right about here." He lowered his arm and brought his hand to the ground.
"Just chalm down, brother."
"How am I supposed to "chalm" down when a tractor's about to run us over?"
He slapped his knee and cackled like a hyena. "That's your alarm clock, bud."
Darkness overtook my field of vision as I opened my eyes. I reached for my phone, trying to silence the alarm.
My eyes widened. "Quarter to seven, god dammit!"
I jumped out of bed and pulled my pants on quickly. I wasn't sure what or who to be pissed at.
The image of Him sensually sniffing a cigar popped into my head.
"Wow, just a little bit of stress..." He clipped the cigar and lit it slowly, "...puts smoke in your ears, and anger in your heart."
He exhaled a cloud of thick, potent smoke. I could taste the burning tar, and oncoming headache.
"Good God, it's too early for this shit!" I slipped on a shirt, grabbed my coat, and burst out the door.
"You can't run from me."
I leapt into my car and turned the key. Reaching under the passenger seat, I pulled out a binder full of discs. I turned the pages and found what I was looking for. My hands trembling, I pulled the disc from its plastic sheath and shoved it in the car's radio.
"Don't do it, don't fucking do it."
I skipped forward to track two and cranked up the volume.
You have so many relationships in this life.
Only one or two will last.
You go through all the pain and strife.
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast.
"Fine, fuck it!" He threw his hands up in the air and retreated back to his corner of my mind.
I couldn't stop myself from singing along. It was a horrid song in my opinion, but it kept my metaphysical personality at bay.
Mmmbop, ba duba dop,
Ba du bop, ba duba dop,
Ba du bop, ba duba dop,
Ba du,
Yeah.
The only thing I liked about work was the short drive, less gas burned meant more money in my pocket. I pulled into a parking space, with Hanson still blasting through the speakers.
I unfortunately didn't see my coworker sitting in his truck until the song was over. He was smoking, and watching me the entire time. I forced a smile and awkwardly pointed finger guns at him. He just shook his head as I slowly sank into my seat.
Meta-me laughed.
