Not that i think anyone cares, but im going through a deep depression right now. Its not like im not familiar with depression, ive been battling depression ever sense i was put on medication at the age of 7 for my adhd. But this time it feels like im having to battle my depression with every oz of will power i can muster. Dont get me wrong im still able to put on a smile, and step out into the world i find so cold. I just never felt so alone, and everywhere i go i feel there is way more negativity than positivity. I feel like the whole world has gone crazy, and feel like no one cares about anyone but themself these days. I see family turning on family, friends talking trash about friends. people trying to manipulate anyone with any amount of kindness. the last couple of days ive had to travel alot, and everywhere i go i see police chases,and an uprising of homelessness. I put on the t.v. and all i see is disaster and destruction and death along with nuclear threats and hate. In fact the only thing that give me any joy anymore are my hobbies(bass/guitar, drawing/painting, gardening) every time i share any thing im proud of im greeted with negativity 9 of 10 times. Recently i started blogging and feel like if i hadn't started blogging i would give up the last little bit of care i still hold onto. I know i'll be ok, because like i said these feeling are not new to me, they just seem stronger and lasting longer than i ever remember having to deal with. Hopefully there will be some big change soon, that resparked my life candle, because honestly i cant imagine living the rest of my life feeling like this. Honestly i hope im the only one feeling like this, i hope you cant relate to a word im saying. The only reason im sharing this online is in the off chance that someone else feels the same i do they would know they are not alone. All i can do is keep my head up and try to stay positive. I wish everyone success, love and happiness because that what everyone who trys deserves.
