Dont, stay
"It's over, isnt it?"
She looked at me with her teary eyes, fierce and beautiful. She wanted to show how strong she is. Never letting her guard down, she's afraid.
I looked at her with same feeling of emptiness. Knowing our problem was a simple misunderstanding.
""I should have believed you for the first time."" she's not responding but i know her heart is weak and mine also.
""For the past 2 weeks, i waited for your call. Told myself you'll miss me and make you worry. I guess i was wrong.""
She looked away, tears building up. She keeps telling her eyes not to give up. She hesitates to dig into her hands but stops midway to show she doesnt want this anymore.
I looked away, my calm anger simmering inside. Heat raising and realized i need to let this out. Direct its energy into good. I targeted towards her without the intention of hurting her but only to express my feelings and gratitude. Before i could speak she stopped me with her voice. I missed it so much.
""I dont know what i want. I told you many times before i never wanted to commit.""
Her words have become knives. Her voice cuts me like a scalpel during a heart bypass surgery. She gives her diagnosis and status of our well being. Her lips are moving but her words doesnt make any sense. It was no longer a clear stream of water. Now muddled and grimed. She was no longer the girl i met. She didnt change, this was her true form. Like everyone else who meets the perfect one will pretend to be perfect as well. It's obvious she's done pretending. And so was i.
I stopped her. Gestured my hand. My turn to show my true form.
I looked at her with the same expression of anger and sadness. I controlled my breathing and started with a simple beginning.
""I..."" My stomach churning. Temperature increasing. Eyes holding her gaze.
I was never certain of what to say except the confusion between us. All of these questions in my head filling to the brim. I lost control of my sanity. Darkness folding in, fear creeping and eyes closed.
I now exist in the labyrinth and fallen into the pit of tartarus i've created.
She whispers my name.
It echos to the deepest parts of me until it found where i was hiding. Deep beneath where people wont realize i've been hiding pain and suffering. Infront of them i hide behind the name they know.
""Thank you, tell your friends im sorry. I'll leave now and i'll take the things i've given you. Maybe i'll find someone like you who'll love me the same way as i loved you.""
I left her to let her know she won. I'm tired, dead and unwanted. No goodbyes, only gratitude for the time we had.
I guess, i wasnt worth chasing. We made a decision not to stay.
