Have you ever dreamed of being yourself?
Have you ever felt unable to distinguish between the essence of the self and the limits of the imagination?
I take the second can I bought this afternoon. After I left the office, I went straight to the cafe as usual. Meretas lonely while extinguishing my fatigue after serving customers all day. My brain needs a bit of peace. This migraine will only disappear instantly with a little supply of alcohol in my brain. It's been a long time for this fucking headache to interfere with my daily life. No doctor is able to reduce my misery. One of my friends even advised me to go to a psychiatrist because of my desperation with the effectiveness of the conventional treatment I had taken. But it seems I'm still sane not to see a psychiatrist. Come on, it's just a headache! I'm not crazy.
The phone ring suddenly woke my thoughts. An incoming message. This must be from that crazy customer. Five days ago there was a prospective customer who wanted to borrow some money, but he could not get a loan because it could not meet the requirements set by the bank. Though I've refused, but he keeps pushing. I'm sorry I gave my phone number to him. This is really annoying. This is the risk of becoming a customer service bank staff. I must always be ready to deal with money and a variety of financial problems someone. Even those that have out of bounds of sanity.

A message back in. I'm getting fed up with the customer. He's really annoying. After the mess he'd made at the bank almost a week ago, he now mingled my days, and even threatened me.
Seven days ago, he came to visit the bank. He immediately sat in front of the customer service table without shame. He grabs the queue number and irritates other long-standing customers.
"Sorry sir, your queue number is still long. Please Dad wait! "I shouted him to sit back in the waiting chair.
"No Mas, my business is very important!"
"But the others are important too, sir! Pity the others have been waiting for us. "
The man still did not want to move. I took a deep breath. "Well, I will serve you. But I do not have much time, I will not hesitate to report security if you do anything. So, what can I do for you? "
"I want to borrow business capital, Mas."
Oh of course. As per my estimation. People with a look like this always indicate in that direction. The thick glasses with the worn leather jacket really made me feel sorry for them. Iba? Yes, but just a little.
"Do you bring the requirements?"
He immediately submitted a folder containing the required documents. There are ID cards, family cards, NPWP letters and other complementary documents.
He is 47 years old. The widower status. I was amazed at his profession that did not fit my expectations. He is an art lecturer at one of the top universities. Courses of my dreams. I always wanted to go in there.
"Father of a fine art lecturer?"
"Yes, about two months ago."
"So now you are unemployed?"
"Not really. Soon I will be a real businessman and artist. I plan to rent a small suburban building to be a gallery that will display my work. "
"How much money do you need?"
"One billion."
I smile. "This fella is joking, is not he?"
"I'm not kidding, Mas. I need a billion bucks. "
"But the loan is too big for an individual loan class. After all, do you have a guarantee condition? A kind of house or land certificate? "
He shook his head.
"You have no guarantees?"
"Yes, but I promise I will pay according to the tempo that has been determined. I'm sure my business will grow fast and make a profit as soon as possible. "
"But to my knowledge, such art endeavors are very risky and the effort behind the capital was quite long. I hope you will consider it again. "
"So you refused my loan request?" He snapped, suddenly emotionally. My desk was instantly highlighted by other long-standing customers.
"Mom .. not that I mean, sir. But your loan request does not meet the requirements set by the bank. "
"Who do you think you are, huh?" He cried as he stood pointing at my face. All eyes are on us. The security guy came closer. Ah, I hate this. It turns out that in front of me this is not a 47-year-old adult as written on the document, but he is a 5-year-old who is whining because he did not buy candy by his mother. What kind of crazy is this?
"Father please calm down first!" Security father tried to secure it. I'm bewildered. "Okay, better this way. I'll give you my phone number so we can talk about the best solution. "
I wrote my cell phone number on a piece of paper and handed it over. "I promise to try to give you the best solution if you want to work together."
His emotions were slightly eased. "Okay, I'll follow your words. But you have to keep your promise! "
"Yes sir, I will try."
He pushed aside the security hand holding his arm. Then he passed without shame. And that was the beginning of my nightmare.
A can of beer came back with me at the cafe. Visitors to this cafe is not too much so it can be counted on the fingers. But that's what I like. This quiet atmosphere made me feel at home sitting here and it seems like the cafe waiters already know very well this habit. Actually I came here because of a promise. He will meet me today. Talks cut off on the phone last night will continue now. I saw a man in a crumpled jacket walking from a distance from the entrance. Thankfully, my waiting for 15 minutes is not completely in vain. He smiles showing false hospitality. I took a deep breath. Oh my God, should I face this madman again?
He sat in front of me while lighting a Dji Sam Soe. Smoke was steaming the air .. I can not believe that this messy person is a former lecturer of one of the top universities. Anyone will not believe it.
"Do you want something to drink?" I asked.
"Nope. Straight to. So, how? "He asked to open sua.
"It all depends on you. Why are you so keen to open that art gallery? Are not there many other businesses whose prospects are better than that? "
Smoke skirt * k he deliberately propose up. Her mouth smiled. "This is an obsession of my youth."
"Young obsession?" I was surprised to hear what she said. For a moment I remembered my obsession before choosing to become an economics scholar who kept me trapped in a world of banking.
"Yes. After all the failures that occurred in my life, I want to return to my original dream. Marriage, career traps and divorce have taken my life away. I have lost everything. Family, work, even my dreams. Sometimes I regret having grown up ... "
My mind instantly revolted. He is sorry to have grown up? What nonsense is that?
How old are you, Mas? "
"My age? I'm thirty, sir. "
"Thirty? Are you married? "He asked, looking at my face deeply.
"Not yet. So what?"
The sound of the wind was blowing in front of me. One of the waiters dropped a handkerchief on the next table. Focused my mind.
"So you're a virgin?"
My forehead creased.
"You've never had the pleasure of a woman's vag scent, have you?"
I smile. "I'm sure the scent of vag * na woman has nothing to do with the father's credit application process."
He laughed. His annoying attitude began to return.
"You are still young. Age 30 is not the end of everything. Moreover, your looks enough to sell for women. Or maybe, there are some obsessions that have not been reached so you delayed getting married? "
"So, sir." I tried to point to the original topic of conversation. "I'll help you get a loan for you. But you have to be patient first. The funds you borrowed were huge. The process must take a long time. So I have to make sure to see if you are willing to follow the process. "
"Okay, I understand."
"I hope you can work together. This is also for your benefit. "
"So, what should I do?"
"Father just prepare the documents requirements. And then leave it to me. "
"OK.."
"I gave a 3 day deadline. Just contact me. How? "
"Yes, never mind then."
The skirt he had drained was gone. He also issued a slot of Dji Sam Soe from his pants pocket.
"May I have one?"
He was surprised. "Are you spoiled as well?"
He handed me the killer tobacco.
"Not really."
He turned on pamantik and handed it to me. He smiled casually. Tobacco smoke billowed again into the air. The dusk of the sunset began to be dimly visible from the window pane bringing news that the day was over. At that moment I felt that we were both crazy. I had the sky changed. Soon the Magrib prayer will echo.
The phone rings continue to haunt my days. Migraines still come say hello. The 3 day deadline we agreed on could not be fulfilled. He keeps buying time to give me the documents I mentioned. I like busy myself to take care of his business. Does not he realize we're dealing with money. Money is a very sensitive thing. No one wants to give money at random, let alone the bank. He seemed not serious with the loan proposal.
"I have given a deadline, but father still has not fulfilled his requirements. What is this father, anyway? If this is where we can process the loan, "I say trying firmly. I let my time take to answer the phone.
"Please give me some more time. I'll file the file as soon as possible. "
"You just need to add an existing file. What's so hard, anyway? "
My patience is over. This guy is unbelievable. I had sacrificed a lot of time to help him, but he himself did just as well.
"I promise to give it as soon as possible!"
"How fast? You have said that many times, but what is the proof? I'm tired, sir. Remember, this father is dealing with money! You must know the risks and conditions! "
"I beg! Give me another day! "
"Another day?"
"Yes, I promise to give it tomorrow."
"Okay, this is your last chance. If tomorrow still can not, then I will cancel your loan application. "
"All right, I agree."

That's what he said. But the next day he gave another answer. Enough already. I do not want to deal anymore. I just intend to help. But what do I get? Just a nonsense! This time I have to be professional. Again, I'm professional! I can not face this personally. I'm paid not to listen to gibberish. I'm paid to serve banking problems. I've heard enough all these non-logical reasons.
"Sorry, Sir. I can not help you anymore. Dad can not be cooperative. I'm tired, sir. "
"Please let me have one more chance!"
"Once again? Again again? I'm tired, sir. I'm deaf. I can not take care of your business continuously. My patience has its limits, sir! "
"So you canceled my loan application?"
"Yes, it's a final decision."
"Who do you think you are, huh! Deciding just as well! I need money! "She started to get angry. I already know this, so I'm prepared. I will not be bullied again.
"Sorry, Sir. But I do not care. It's not my business anymore. "I said steadily.
"What did you say? I will do anything to get the money. I'm not kidding! Remember that! "He threatened.
"Go ahead. I do not want to know any more, sir. "
Tut .. tut .. the phone was disconnected. My heart is incredible. I do not want to be bothered again by the chatter. I will not deal with him anymore. I hope these bad days will end as soon as possible.
This eye opens slowly. I could feel the cold glass table touching my cheek. Seven cans seemed to say good morning in front of me. Looks like I've been fast asleep in this cafe all night. It does not matter, as far as I know this cafe is open 24 hours and very tolerant with lonely customers like me. A maid who was mopping the floor just smiled at me. Oh God, I can imagine how sad I look now.
I leaned back in my chair, trying to remember what I had done last night. My phone rang instantly. I can see some unanswered calls beforehand. Thank God this call is not from that madman, but from one of my fellow workers, Ferdi. What does he call me in the morning?
"Yes, what is it, Fer?" I asked a little lazily ..
"Did you see the news this morning?"
Said hastily. What does it mean? The word makes me curious. "What news, Fer?"
"Our bank robbery!"
My heart went straight.
"How come?"
"I do not know either!"
"What money has he plundered, Fer?"
"I do not know for sure either. But according to estimates it's about a billion. "
"One billion??"
"Yes, the guess is. The police are here. They were checking the scene. We're making sure again. So you need to get here fast. "
"Yeah, I'll be right there, Fer."
What kind of news is this? Banks where I work robbery! I rushed to my feet. I was about to get my jacket lying on the floor. But when I picked up my jacket, my eyes were fixed on the large backpack lying under the table. As I recall, I did not carry the backpack. Somehow I was so curious about the bag that I did not realize I was opening it.
My eyes are not blinking. My mouth is open. A hundred-thousand-dollar pile filled the bag. I threw the bag on the floor. Ah, it's a dream. I think I was too drunk last night until now still hallucinating.
I opened the bag again. No. The money is still there. No, it must be a dream. Yes dream. Soon I'll wake up as usual. But if this is real how? Can anyone explain all this?
My hands are shaking. I tried to touch the money. I can feel it. Oh no, what does all this mean? This money is not mine. Who is this money owner? Do not tell me this has to do with the robbery at the bank where I worked! I panicked. What should I do?
"I will do anything to get the money. I'm not kidding! Bear in mind that!"
Suddenly I was instantly shocked. I remembered what you said some time ago. Impossible. This can not have anything to do with the robbery. He could not have done such a silly thing. Besides, he could not possibly. Impossible!
I am curious. I tried to call the crazy fathers to make sure.
"Sorry, the number you are going to is not listed. Please check again. "
Shit! Why not active? I try again. The result is still the same. I try and try again. Still no answer. Argh ... I'm really mad!
I'm still sitting in my chair and closing my eyes. This is crazy. Yes, it's all crazy. I do not even want to think about this.
I heard the door creak. What is this! I saw the crazy fathers come in and walk towards me.
She simply sat down in front of me.
"Good morning young man," he said with a smile.
I stammered in disbelief. He sat down in front of me while lighting the skirt in his hand. "Want one?"
He offered me one. I ignored her.
"What did you come here for?" I jerked at him. He just smiled. What a terrible smile.
"What does all this mean? What do these piles mean? "I shouted as I opened the backpacks.
He smiled again. "I told you I would do anything to get the money. I just did what I was supposed to do. Is it wrong?"
"I do not care if you steal any money. But why the money is here? What does it mean?"
"You need him, young man. You need a billion dreams to realize one of your hidden dreams. You need a billion self-esteem to re-show who you are. You need it, young man. We need it. "
"We?"
"Yes, we are. You and I. Do not you want the money to realize all your obsessions. Yes, your obsession. Obsession of your youth. With that money, you can again re-pioneer your dream. Is not that what you want? "
I looked at him deeply. My disgust began to soar. "Why are you doing this? Who exactly are you? "
Her smile broke again. This time there was a crisp laugh.
"Who am I? Do not you know who I am? I am just an adult failing as you often describe. I'm your nightmare. I am you! "
"I do not understand. Do not play around. I'm not a kid anymore. Who exactly are you? "
"I am you. And you are me. We are the same. Only the age that sets it apart. I'm just a fictional character fiction you alone. You created me. Without you and your obsession, I will never exist! "
"You are crazy!!"
"You are crazy! Grow up, young man! Oh yes, I forgot. Not that you do not want to mature. Yes, you can be young forever. God will understand it. Because as you know, being an adult is really horrible. Perhaps the money will not be enough to give back your wasted time, but with that money you can get back to starting a life you have forgotten. "
"Go!" My head felt broken.
The caterers were surprised to see me bewildered. I do not care. My sanity is gone. I shouted as he tossed the pile out of the backpack. "Go now or I'll report the police!"
Her smile broke again. "You think I really exist? Get up, young man! I'm just one of your imagination, young man! I'm just your crazy majam! "
"Go!" I screamed loudly.
"Alright then. I'll be happy to leave. "He then walked away. But before going through the door, he turned back to me. "You know, young man. So adult is really unpleasant. Being an adult is a curse! "
I immediately hastily took my phone. I immediately contacted Ferdi again.
"Fer, do you remember those annoying customers who came to the bank on Wednesday a week ago? He's the one who robbed our bank, Fer. He just came to see me. "
"Wednesday last week?" Ferdi replied turned to ask. "What are you talking about? Wait a minute, Wednesday last week was the 5th, huh? Is not that day you did not come in? "
I dropped my phone. The conversation was left unbroken. My heart jerked. What else is this? Then, what I had last Wednesday what?
The servants look at me as if seeing a very horrible ghost. They deflected me with a hundred-thousand-dollar bill scattered near me. They seemed afraid of me.
I do not care. I do not care about all this. I checked my phone call history record. Not a single call from that madman. No. This is not possible. Countless times he called me. How could everything just disappear
I sat dangling. I gulped down the bottle that still left it in front of me. My phone rang again. Even with a hand that feels so heavy, I pick up the call.
"Where were you last night?" Ferdi asked suddenly.
"Last night?" I asked in surprise.
"Yes, last night."
"Last night I ... I ... I do not know Fer. I was drunk last night. So what?"
Ferdi's voice was swallowed. The conversation paused for a moment.
"I can not believe this. But last night your face was caught on the CCTV camera bank. What have you done?"
Silence. My body suddenly weakened instantly. The migraine is coming back. The more spinning as if my head was turning into a helicopter vane speed of one billion rounds per hour. My body seemed to float in zero-powered gravity. All hollow. Yes, hollow. Where am I? Am I completely insane?
