This morning is like another morning. People I heard faintly started the day. On a small asphalt road near this place the old ladies carrying their luggage with a scarf on their backs. Hunched over their bodies, their shawls and their innate worth, maybe only long beans, maybe dried melinjo fruit, or maybe just a string of banana leaves that will be brought to the market.
I had woken up earlier, when old mothers and daylight began the day, I would have started my day, not a sunny day for me. I looked at the roof above, dirty, and covered in cobwebs.
My mind was nowhere, my eyes were staring blankly, but my heart had flown, wandered high and down in a memory. I am restless.
I sigh, wake up this body for Fajr Prayer. But my chest still feels heavy even after facing God. I lay back this body. The roof is still the same. Will this finish until here. I thought Will this history will end only so much. Or can I do something to keep this story going and still I can enjoy it.
I took my cheap cellphone, I texted someone, I wrote: "What time does it start?"
Answered: "eight o'clock ....". I suddenly imagined something. My chest became tight. I want to cry. I still want to stay here, still want to enjoy the good times, still want to joke and still want to be free. O God, O my Lord, I have arrived here whether this is your plan or my first prayer that You have granted. I want something different for now.
Will he feel something important right now, like me, something that has something to do with me. O God, I miss him, I want him to understand how I feel right now, I want him to be with me forever.
I took a letter lying next to the bed.
I read again. There is nothing wrong in the contents of the letter. I really have to fulfill the wishes of my parents. Even that is their right, and my duty. Because I am their child and they are the ones who finance my life.
The clock on the wall shows 06:00. It's too lazy to get ready. I do not want. I still love him. I still wanted to meet, talk and feel the cheerful voice of the voice, his laughter and his little jumps when he saw me. My mind wandered, memories of the past one by one present and as if endless.
so many things to remember, and have settled in taste. When I saw the dumplings seller, I remembered the time with him, when I smelled the smell of the rising earth in the morning, I remembered him, when I wore that one clothing I always smiled because I was happy to remember it, when I saw the pink veil I always remembered him, and every time I see that door, I am also reminded of him, the door he never wanted to enter, for fear that there will be a devil that will affect us. I always go through that door every day, many times. I love her. I miss.
The dull clock on the wall was pointed at 07.30. As if a lump of sandbag, I lifted the body with difficulty to the bathroom. Cold water was not felt, even I felt suddenly was in the room again. graduation clothes were hanging on the wall, I took a picture of it in my book and looked at it.
"Why can't you graduate with me, why do you still have so many courses to repeat, why don't you really mean it ... while after this I have to go home to Sumatra to fulfill my parents' demands!" I say slowly. I took the photo and put it in my wallet. I love her so much.
