It's a different kind of feeling growing up middle class. Hi , it's Abeegail, a child who grew up privileged, but not privileged to have luxury. Growing up middle class is just a different kind of struggle. You have to be grateful because you have food on time, a roof over your head, a safe place to rest, your fees are paid (eventually) and downplay your discomfort because someone somewhere has it worse.
One dominant thing as growing up middle class is watching money without touching it, you become hyper-aware of finances. Sometimes we can afford specific things and sometimes we can't, it's always a different season. There's always money for basic needs, like food and clothes, but luxury was once in a while. It's weird especially when you go to school with wealthy kid and they talk about vacation and expensive holiday and you can't relate because your parents have enough to give you good enough education to go to school with these rich kids but they can't afford expensive holidays.
And when you are aware of these things especially as a kid it changes something in you. You learn to be responsible at a young age. You know about all these sacrifices that are made for you, that just put a lot of pressure and responsibilities on you. This slowly turns in to guilt and fear, fear of asking for something when you heard your parents complain of how money is tight. It's so awkward, because who else am I going to ask but I also don't want to be a nuisance or make things stressful for them, but I do really need that thing. You have to be careful with your desire and things you want even if they're just small things.
Another thing is the expectation you carry. Everyone expects to become something tangible because you are the investment. The proof that the struggle means something, so your failure is not personal, it's generational. You're not just disappointing yourself but every single person who has ever made an input in your life, and some point it just becomes suffocating. Writing this is another sense of guilt because I'm not rich enough to feel secure, not poor enough to feel justified in struggling. So I just float in a grey area where your struggle is constantly minimized, even by yourself. You tell yourself to be grateful when what you really need is to be honest.
But growing up middle class also gives a sharp view and awareness of the world. You learn empathy early, you know what it means to stretch, you know how to survive transitions and changes, you know how to adapt. Trying to find the balance between having hope and also being real. Growing up middle class is such a crazy thing to navigate. It's a struggle between "enough" and "never quite".
It's still Abeegail,
Trying to manifest financial freedom.
Images are mine
Thanks for reading 馃槉
