After that incomparable day in Amsterdam and Zaanse Schans, it was time for the reality of the trek back to South Africa.

Team Beck was ready!

Well, let's be reasonable, almost.

We had checked in online the day before, shared our boarding passes with each other on our WhatsApp group in case one of us had a cellphone failure (patting ourselves on the back for being just that clever), and made our foolproof plan for leaving the Airbnb at 7:00. Our bags were (mostly) packed. Departure would be by Uber, to give us plenty of time in case of Monday morning commuter traffic, although Waze had indicated the night before (through the “Later” feature) that the drive would take under half an hour.

Our flight home was at 10:35, and those who travel internationally know that the recommended "arrive three hours before your departure time" is a minimum these days, particularly with all of Europe seeming to be on high security alert following incidents in France and Germany earlier in the year.

But we still had to get there in time

Kiligirl realised getting Team Beck to the airport was less a job for SuperKiligirl, and more a job for a specialist herder, so she mobilised another of her alter egos.

Introducing KiliBorderCollieGirl

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Kiligirl goes into sheepdog mode

Kiligirl had had some bad experiences at Heathrow Airport in London the previous year, where even the Bag Drop line had taken over 45 minutes and the ensuing security check had taken another 45 minutes, leaving Kiligirl no chance to refresh herself before hightailing it to the gate.

Kiligirl did not wish to experience this again – and let’s face it, the memories of the two train journeys on this trip were also still fresh for her...no way was she going to be party to any more two-minute sliders – so she channelled her inner Border Collie and made sure there were no impediments to a departure of 7:00 latest.

Dreaming of electric sheep...?

Well, wouldn't it be a treat to arrive a bit early, thought Kiligirl. We could get there before the throngs, zip through check-in, Security and Immigration, have a nice breakfast at the airport - maybe we could even find a free lounge using Kiligirl’s lounge app!

Kiligirl likes to be at the front of the line to board, because she likes to get her overhead locker space and she has a thing about maintaining her perfect no-missed-flights record.

Kiligirl should be careful about dreaming too much of such delights.

Getting her sheep out the door

Kiligirl knew that the rest of Team Beck considered any time before 10am to be the middle of the night and getting up at 6am to be an affront to humanity, or at least to Beckdom. She got up at 5:00 to make sure she was ready and the two compact bathrooms (one a combined shower and toilet, the other a mirror/washbasin with washing machine and dryer) would be unencumbered for the other Becks to do their morning toilette and final packing as fast as possible when they got up at 6:00.

Kiligirl’s eternal optimism makes her a prize idiot, if you haven’t figured that out by now

Of course we didn't leave at 7:00. The time stamp on this photo tells me we got into our Uber at 7:23 (he came within three minutes of being called).

That's our Uber

Saying goodbye to our Airbnb

The drive to the airport was uneventful (Kiligirl's favourite kind), the driver pleasant, and Kiligirl and @tim-beck had sneaked the opportunity to sit in the back seat so we could hold hands with each other while chatting with the driver. Who doesn’t like chatting with Uber drivers? They’re a great bunch, and ours, Romeo, was a credit to the company.

My Uber receipt tells me we got to the airport at 7:48.

Okay, two and a half hours before the flight isn’t so bad, you say. And yes, Kiligirl was still optimistic this would work out in calmness and serenity.

We thanked Romeo and made our way into the terminal, looking up at the screens to find out our check-in counter. The airport was already really crowded, but we were still in good time.

Uh-oh....

Kiligirl realised that Emma had stopped some way back.

One tiny hitch

Emma had left her phone in the Uber.

SuperKiligirl to the rescue, again!

This was clearly beyond the powers of KiliBorderCollieGirl. Who do you call?

Geez, said SuperKiligirl to Kiligirl, I thought we were on holiday and I could chill, but you keep yanking me back from my chillplace.

No such luck, sez I to my alter ego, so SuperKiligirl whirls her cape around, this time with a bit of an audible sigh.

…she whips out her Uber app…
…finds the “uh-oh, I left something in the car on my recent drive” link (it’s pretty close to that)…
…follows the instructions (because SuperKiligirl is ace at following instructions) to have Uber call her back…
…and voilà, within seconds, she’s talking to Romeo.

He finds the cell phone in the front seat and says he’ll be there as quickly as possible. With the traffic around the airport, we know that won’t be quick.

He arrived about half an hour later, so gracious and with cell phone in hand. SuperKiligirl gave him what she hoped was an enormous tip, since it turns out none of that extra driving went through the app. He spent half an hour driving around not getting other customers because of us. That’s the least SuperKiligirl could do before taking off her cape to check in.

So, yes, we checked in….

Well, by now Check-in and Bag Drop were densely crowded, but progressing smoothly, and it took us probably another half hour to get to bag drop. I chatted a bit with the KLM service agent, pointing out that her name was “Service Agent” (or something like that), and she said it was because some of her colleagues had been stalked and trolled on social media and to the company by passengers who didn’t like the way they were treated. How creepy is that?

She was extremely friendly and kindly offered us souvenir boarding passes (nothing special, just paper boarding passes instead of our mobile phone passes), but service is all in the delivery. She told us her name, was kind and fun and managed to replace the memory of what is usually one of the most unpleasant parts of flying – a long schlepp to the check-in counter dragging bags – with a memory of a cheerful and considerate person helping us along our journey. How often does that happen? But that wasn’t our only positive experience of KLM on this trip.

The liquids thing

Before we left Johannesburg, Kiligirl went through the whole “security’s pretty rigorous in Joburg, but you ain’t seen nuttin’ ‘til you get to Europe” spiel with Emma. All the liquids had to be in little (under 100ml) see-through bottles in a clear plastic bag less than 1 litre in capacity.

We did the drill in Joburg, emptying out the carry-on of foundations, moisturisers, perfumes, etc. that wouldn’t fit or were too big (and weren’t needed on an overnight flight) and made sure valuable stuff didn’t go into the luggage because it would surely get stolen. Happy with our repacking, Kiligirl emphasised that we would have to do this again but even more carefully in Amsterdam.

When we were doing our final packing to leave Amsterdam, Kiligirl saw no reason to be pedantic and bring those lessons up again.

Then went through Security....

The Security line was loooong by now, six parallel cordons of perhaps 25 people each moving at a rate of one cordon every five minutes.

Entertainment in the Security line

You'd think they'd show the Simpsons, world news or something equally diverting. Unfortunately, Schipol Security is a place to make your own fun, quietly and privately.

For most, this seemed to be optimising when to drag or push their bag forward and watching the hate glares directed at people so absorbed in their phones they don’t realise a space for ten people has opened up in front of them.

Remembering where this was, after all, there were a lot of cute little screens along the zig-zag path which remind travellers to a high level of detail exactly what is allowed in carry-on baggage - so we couldn't say they weren't making an effort to attract our attention.

Team Beck shuffled along, Emma absorbed with her phone but unlike the oblivious types was always aware when to move along. No hate glares! An odd but important measure of success in a security line.

Then it was our turn to go through Security.

PANIC!

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“What about my liquids?!? I don’t know how to pack them!”

A quick glance at the potentially life-threatening liquids showed too many of them in too many bags. Happily, nothing over 100ml.

SuperKiligirl suppressed another sigh (arguably not as successfully as the mobile-in-Uber sigh), wondering how else was an airport going to get anyone’s attention other than multiple screens explaining exactly how to pack liquids, and we’d been in line how long, half an hour?

SuperKiligirl pulls off yet another amazing rescue

She whipped out her cape, as well as her liquids bag which had extra room, just in case…for SuperKiligirl had once been a Girl Guide, and the Guide’s motto is “Be Prepared”.

A surreptitious check on the impatient crowd to see whether any of them had drawn fold-up pitchforks in anger at the microseconds delay (nope), a lightning fast SuperKiligirl (of course, too fast to be seen by the normal human eye) transfer into her liquids bag, and we were off to get our bits and pieces x-rayed with the serenity of the unguilty.

And passport control....

Yippee! A non-event. Fast, efficient, with a lot of yelling from a woman who could use a less stressful job demanding that people with American and EU passports go THIS WAY, somehow implying the DAMMIT in the tone, without actually saying it.

Airside, enfin

Finally, about 9:30. Our boarding passes said boarding was at 9:54. We agreed to do a little bit of shopping and meet in the central area.

Rookie mistake by Kiligirl – we didn’t set a time to regroup!

To the elder Team Beck members, it was obvious – a quick in and out was all there was time for, not even a coffee, let alone breakfast. However, Emma was not used to international travel, doesn’t wear a watch and was intent on getting critical souvenirs, an activity which could distract one from keeping a close eye on inconveniences like boarding times.

Boarding – Groundhog Day all over again?

9:50 – time to get to the gate.

Emma was nowhere to be found.

Kiligirl called herself an impressive range of names and hid from SuperKiligirl and KiliBorderCollieGirl.

Kiligirl said to @tim-beck, “I’m going to the gate. I’ll call her from there,” but thinking, “Where’s the nearest phone booth in case I need to call SuperKiligirl – again?”

I know what you were thinking

I was too.

We never needed SuperKiligirl, or even KiliBorderCollieGirl. Thank goodness, it was a total anti-climax.

I know, it would have made a better story if we hadn't found Emma, and they'd had to delay the flight, and we'd launched an airport wide search and found her chilling with a cappuccino, but this was real life and all that happened was I called her, told her we were at the gate and boarding was nearly closed. She was there in a couple of minutes.

Sometimes the anti-climax is the best outcome!

Before and after

There we were, seated three in a row, three Team Beck peas in a pod.

After

Here's what we looked like on our Air France trip out twelve days earlier.

Before

Can you see the Beck Trek etched on our faces?

Shoutout to KLM

I simply have to say this.

We had the best service any of us has ever had on a plane (and there were years when Kiligirl’s frequent flyer status was much, much higher than it is these days, so let’s just say free upgrades were often enjoyed), great food, great entertainment and the chance to enjoy the one day flight offered by any airline from Europe back to southern Africa.

Our steward was professional, funny, helpful, personable and clearly revelled in making passengers happy. After hundreds of thousands of hours flying in multiple classes, including once on the Concorde (that’s a whole ‘nother tale), I have never been treated so well.

A day flight from Europe to Africa is awesome

Emma got to see the south of France, the Mediterranean, the Sahara desert and the Congolese jungle from 40,000 feet, or thereabouts.

From takeoff...

...over the green fields of the Netherlands and France...

...then the Côte d'Azur...

...and the coast of Africa - Morocco? Algeria?...

...Emma and @tim-beck were enjoying the flight...

...over North Africa, as we were saying...

...then a first glimpse of the Sahara...

...where the edge of the world is blurry...

...but surprisingly not as uniform as expected...

...then over the jungles and rivers of Central Africa...

...until a stunning airborne African sunset.

And then we were home in South Africa, late that August Monday evening. We quickly disembarked, breezed through Immigration (and the glasses-off fever check which throws the uninitiated off every time), picked up our luggage in minutes, and hailed our last Uber of the trip. Home by 11:00, with both SuperKiligirl and KiliBorderCollieGirl back in their hideaways, our last act of travel smarts was to turn the hot water geyser on before tumbling into bed and greeting the electric sheep of our dreams.

And that is the end of this Beck Trek. Woof!

Images pretty much all by Emma Beck or as otherwise credited.

Day 12 - Team Beck heads home to South Africa, and Kiligirl reveals a second alter ego