Today, as I was engaged in yet another sophomoric tirade from one of my acquaintances, I relinquished control of the moral high ground and let a new insult slip from my tongue. I called him “ass steam”.

While I usually get creative with my expletives, this one got me thinking. Ass….Steam….Ass Steem…Steemit…make a post about ass and Steemit! However, since I am refraining from NSFW posts until a future date, I figured that I would go with my second idea on the subject. Thus, I decided that this post will be about assholes (not literally).

So let’s get to it:

…after this disclaimer: I have no idea what I’m about to write. I’ve been drinking bourbon since I woke up and my only meal has been a few gummy worms and a taquito. I also anticipate this will have a few gaps and not be a completely coherent analysis, but would like to open it up for more discussion and/or a follow-up post later. I’m also sure a post like this has been done by someone else somewhere else on the internet, but idgaf.

Okay, so:

What Is/Makes an Asshole?

You have Health Care, Immigration, and then you have—arguably—the mother of all debates in this country: what is an asshole? Regardless of the differing schools of thought on the subject, I agree most with the definition from some dude’s website that states: “the asshole is the guy who systematically allows himself special advantages in cooperative life out of an entrenched sense of entitlement that immunises him against the complaints of other people.”

Adding to that, assholes are genuine (brutal honesty without caring about the outcome), “decent people with the innate ability to turn on their assholeness in the right situation and also know when to turn it off”. They get what they want, when they want it, without being a douche bag (think I paraphrased that from somewhere but forgot). Note: there is a difference between assholes, dicks, and douches, but that’s for another post.

Why am I writing this?

Honestly I have no idea. I’m kinda regretting it now because this is taking longer than I thought. However, I was thinking about some characters of my recent favorite shows (Archer, Rick & Morty, South Park, How I Met Your Mother, Community, Han Solo) and noticed a common theme: the primary protagonist is an asshole and everyone loves that character!

Why is this? Here are some of my thoughts:

In some form or fashion, we all kinda wish we could get away with saying exactly how we are thinking or feeling on a subject, regardless of the consequences. Because we are a more or less civilized society, we generally inhibit ourselves from truly expressing how we feel because we would rather coexist without conflict. And feelings ‘n stuff.

They’re funny. Half of the things we laugh at in comedy is inappropriate based on most standards. We laugh at the antics of the aforementioned characters because they say whatever the hell they want and the reactions are usually golden.

They still have redeemable qualities. Despite all the horrible shit they get away with, they generally are not necessarily bad people—Cartman is in another league so not counting that—and when it comes down to it, know how to “turn off the asshole” just enough to be lovable without compromising their inner assholeishness. The “turning off” factor is critical, because otherwise they’re just a douche and nobody likes douches.

They’re honest. One of the reasons why the asshole character is loved more than hated, in fiction and irl, is that love them or hate them…a real asshole is about as honest of a person as you can get. Brutally honest. A real asshole will just straight up tell you “no, I don’t really feel like helping you move” versus pretending not to get the phone call and hoping you’ll find someone else.

There’s probably a lot more I could write on this, but there’s a police helicopter flying around outside so I’m gonna see if I can get on the evening news. If you have any input, good or bad, please comment and I’m sure I’ll have a coherent response. Would appreciate love in the form of upvotes, comments, and resteems. I'd be open for hugs and/or chest bumps, but that's hard to do over the Internet.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Love,
-kfx