Today, I’ll be writing on a topic and from an angle that debates the philosophy many African parents have of wanting and knowing what’s best for you. Do they really know?
Sometimes, on the basis of age and experience, people jump into conclusions that they know better. If you examine it critically, why they believe this is because to them, a combination of the two means they have better foresight and sense of judgement in life and the things in it in general than you, so they believe they’re best fit to be decision makers for things, including ones that directly affect and influence the course of your life.
One of the most significant ways you see this play out is in our education. I think that in this case, even though the factors of age and experience still come into play, funds have a huge part to play too. Most parents believe that they have a right over which course you’re going to be studying because after all, it’s their money that will fund your education. Some even go lengths to threaten not to pay your fees if you won’t succumb to the program they think is better for you. What I find a bit funny is how they seem to have forgotten that the money is not the only thing that is theirs, but the responsibility to support you pursue your dreams regardless of whether they agree or not also theirs.
I mean… I understand that perhaps there can be a few times when a child might not be very rational or realistic about the things they want to do, and in those cases, it might be necessary for someone more experienced to guide them, but that’s really all it should be – guidance, not imposition. I am a strong believer of giving people (adults) freedom to do what they want, and letting them be accountable for the decisions they make.
But this is not even why I think parents should let their children choose their paths
Often times, parents are operating on outdated information
I had to consult an older extended family a few days ago about a matter that my family thought I knew nothing about. Surprisingly, after listening to his advice, I realized he was telling me everything I already knew, and even with gaps. Ironically, he complained about how people of my generation thought we knew everything and how we thought they were talking nonsense. I didn’t tell him what I’m about to tell you, but here’s what I thought: Of course, we do. Information is much easier and faster to access right now, and the only way to not know about anything in the world right now is if you choose not to know it. It doesn’t matter how old you are, or how much experience you have, because people as old as you are on the internet sharing the information your age and experience has given you. Scholarships, free courses, Youtube, Khan Academy, Coursera, you name it, are all accessible at finger tips if you would just look for them and position yourself in the right way for them. I think that this is what a lot of our boomer parents don’t get.
So that career that was relevant and prestigious back in your day is probably phased out and will not survive innovations of the future like we're already seeing some jobs be threathened by the inception of AI. But good luck explaining this some them. A lot of them like I already explained, feel like you’re egotistical to think that maybe you know what’s best for yourself, but truth is you’re the best person to know yourself and what’s best for you. Exceptions can be made for children and teenagers who are still under care of parents, but once you hit that 1 and 8, I think all power should belong to you regarding your life choices.
The mistake I see a lot of parents make is that they force decisions about this on their children, and this leads to one of two things: things work out great for them in the field you forced them into and they don’t hate you, or their life falls into complete shit and they hate you for the rest of their lives. You would think that the former is not bad, but the “what if”s that will echo in their heads for the rest of their lives will always make a certain a certain part of them resent you for not letting them explore their true interests. Their career is a serious decision that doesn't affect you. Let them choose!
All images here are mine