Halo there,
It's been two weeks and a day since I started the countdown for leaving. 350 days left, still a lot hehe. I was kind of suffering today over the monotony of life and how motivation is so slippery for me. I actually wrote a whole post before starting this one but erased it, because I was placing the blame elsewhere and not taking responsibility.
If anything is going wrong with your life today, please stop for a moment whatever you're doing and take time to ask yourself: "how am I responsible this?" Take as long as you need until you find your answer, it's worth it.
Not a victim, creator
So, in that post I erased, I was bitching about how women always depend on money and that it has always been an issue in my relationships, my lack of materialism versus their "needs". We all have different needs, so what? That's not a good reason for me to lose motivation.
Eventually the writeup led me to the kind of women I'm attracted to for physical intercourse (I'm attracted to many people, doesn't mean that I want to do it with them) and found that this is highly influenced by porn and capitalism. All good, that's fine, I'll stick to the delicacy of that kind of beauty, but the spilling of my life force when watching other people have really lame sex... Now that has to stop.
That's my responsibility right there. Because it's all over the place how ejaculation drains your vitality and motivation. Even worse if you're watching porn because the dopamine high is superior, and so is the drop.
It's a tough one because, like many guys, I've been addicted to this since high school. I've wanted to quit many times but without success. It's something I had stopped worrying about. I came to see it all with love. I begin to appreciate all the women in the videos and thanked them for the pleasure and also for being an inspiration. The guys not so much as they make me angry with their robotic movements and lack of respect for women.
But as my writing led me to this issue of motivation and the dots are very clearly connected, I have to try and breakthrough. It seems like a good idea for me to journal the experience on Hive, as I need to get my blogging on track to build up some traveling money for when the day comes.
I looked up for a #nofap community on Hive, but I just got results of some old posts. The most recent one was 2 months old and it was actually a really good video by @tonysayers33:
@tonysayers33/jdfrmtjzi5v
He talks a about some other important things involving porn. He calls it the bastardization of the divine feminine energy, as this is a caring and nurturing energy, that is completely left aside in porn to show women as objects. This is true only for some porn though, nowadays there is much diversity and many women are in charge of changing things.
He also mentions how some dark entities take this chance to attach themselves to you, as this is the lower vibration sexual experience. Of course this can't be proved, but it makes sense to me as I often have behaviors that are not aligned with the best version of myself, and this could be very related.
So, are there more of you out there that want to break the viscious cycle? What say you that we team up? We could create a #nofap community. There is a massive community on YouTube, but of course it would be better to have it here. Well, I'm open to suggestions.
Thanks for your time!