I have a complicated relationship with my profession. Yes, I’m a yoga teacher, and yes, teaching yoga takes me out of my comfort zone.
Why, you ask? Well, at the prompting of @topkpop, and her #nocomfortzone challenge, I’ll share some of my thoughts here.
photo: Nat Anfield
I could do without the business side of yoga.
For the most part, I enjoy teaching yoga, but dislike the business side of things. A lot.
It might be that I've been an entrepreneur for too long, teaching too many classes and doing the constant promotion necessary to fill those classes. I feel like I’ve done enough marketing for a lifetime, and at this point I’m so over it.
It feels like I’m waving and jumping up and down, trying desperately to get people to come to class, and this circus act of self-promotion must be done every day to get decent numbers in the studio. I hate it. It feels icky.
These days I don’t do much teaching, but before kids, I taught a ton. There were difficult dealings with yoga studios, plus a massive scandal in the international yoga school I’d studied with that left me disillusioned at the height of my career. I even wrote a novel about a disillusioned yoga teacher trying to find her faith again. Had a few literary agents interested in it, but alas, all of them passed. Maybe I'll publish it here someday.
The yoga industry can be a major drag. A LOT of yoga instructors run into this issue.
Smashing the pedestal.
“Me too” stories happen all-too often in the yoga world, considering the integrity yoga asks of its students. Some yoga teachers abuse their power. When this happened with two of the people I considered my teachers, people I idolized, it felt like a major betrayal.
I don't call anyone "my teacher" anymore.
It's hard to take, 'cause I look at the yamas and niyamas (the guiding principles of integrity all yoga teachers learn), and then I look at these people preaching one thing and doing another...
Well, anytime you put someone on a pedestal, they'll fall off.
In the same way, I measured myself by an impossible standard, and sometimes felt like a fake teaching yoga when I had all these other problems in my life. I had to come to the realization that I'm allowed to be human. (This is an ongoing reminder I have to give myself, being a recovering perfectionist.)
photo: Nat Anfield
A little history.
I spent most of my divorce settlement on yoga training, in the range of $15,000, much of it on travel to get to workshops and intensives. I jumped on countless planes and took numerous road trips to study with the best teachers, racking up hundreds of hours of high-level yoga education.
I have over twelve years of teaching experience under my belt. I offered private and semi-private yoga therapy classes that helped people empower themselves and shift patterns of pain. I ran an apprentice-based yoga teacher training program, and wrote an extensive yoga manual that is used by teachers and students worldwide, as well as a book called Unlocking the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. I recorded a mantra album.
I’m good at teaching yoga. I even sing to my students in savasana.
And I’d be fine if I never taught another class.
Why? Because there is this pressure that goes along with being a teacher. It puts me right out of my comfort zone.
Being a mother changes everything.
In my early yoga career, I pushed myself hard, learning all I could. I taught a variety of classes, from restorative to advanced, and even a yoga boot camp with a fitness focus. I burnt myself out teaching that damn boot camp. People loved it, and it was my most profitable class, but I kept silly hours for three years, up too early and doing more than my body wanted. So my adrenals were shot before I got pregnant.
When I did get pregnant, I was training teachers to take over for me, but still pushing way too hard. I honestly didn't know how to back off.
I retired from teaching after having a miscarriage. My body told me in no uncertain terms that if I wanted to become a mother, I had to retreat and take care of myself. So I did.
Now I’m a twin mom. I teach a class here and there to try to bring in some money, but even taking on one or two classes a month feels like this huge pressure.
It’s like, after creating two humans, I can’t deal with being responsible for anything other than my kids, my house, and myself. And I’m still trying to regain my own strength, physically and mentally, even after three years.
I'm also no longer comfortable telling people what to do with their bodies. I give a lot of modifications in my classes, and encourage each person to listen to their body and do something different if that's what's right for them.
I don’t want to play the “please sign up for class” game anymore. Honestly, I want to hop in an RV with my family and leave everything behind, but that’s another story.
Finding balance.
The practice of yoga is incredibly beneficial, and I am grateful for all I know. I use it every day.
I love yoga’s wisdom, and the way it makes me feel.
And, even though my feelings on being a yoga teacher are complicated, I want to share my expertise to help people. This is one way I can contribute to make the world a better place.
For now, I’ll do posts about yoga and mediation. I feel like I can at least offer that, but even those might come sporadically, spaced between things that are more fun for me. Teaching yoga lost it’s fun, somewhere along the way, yet I still want to use what I know to be of service.
I recently published a post with a Simple Home Yoga Practice, which you might like if you’re looking for that kind of thing.
Just because teaching takes me out of my comfort zone doesn’t mean I won’t keep at it, at least a on a small scale. :)
No Comfort Zone.
What takes you out of your comfort zone? Check out @topkpop’s Out of Your Comfort Zone post if you’re inspired to join the challenge!
@ameliabartlett, @appiepearl, and @didic, I’d love to see you write about something that takes you out of your comfort zone! Consider yourselves nominated. :)
Thanks for reading!
Take care of yourself. You are a gift!
Peace. @katrina-ariel
photo: Nat Anfield
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