I haven’t been posting as much as I use to compared to last month.
I have been going through a bit of rough times and I feel like I really need to get this off my chest.
My Quarter Life Crisis…
...has been catching up to me over the past few years.
Ever since I graduated high school and started going to college, long story short, I’ve been struggling with finding myself and finding my balance in life and has been affecting my academics.
I’m in my mid-twenties and been to college for quite a while.
One of the few main struggles I’m struggling with is getting into the major while going through impaction.
Made mistakes in the past that led me to this.
It feels like the end of the world as this is definitely going to ruin the relationship between me and my parents.
My parents don’t know that I have a Steemit account but that’s another blog for another time.
But having a Steemit account and posting here is helping me get through these rough times.
Now that I think of it maybe I won’t get big on Steemit.
Maybe it’s just a way to help me get through these tough times of my academic situation, being single, and making sure I never lose sight of getting in shape.
The funny thing is that ever since I feel like I want to give up in college that was the time I started to enjoy college life more because I have more freedom, got better in making friends, and have more motivation than ever before.
It’s like when you’re closer to feeling dead is when you feel most alive.
It’s funny how when I hit my lowest point plenty of changes comes into my life.
Maybe I haven’t hit my lowest point yet and I’m just hitting many different low points in my life like a never ending downward rollercoaster.
This is a beginning of a new semester for me and I just went through rough week last week.
Last week my car got towed and I had to pay $400 from my pocket to get it back.
I was SO scared that my parents will find out but if they find out when reading this I wouldn’t really care cause by that time it will be ancient history.
I learned a good lesson from that experience since I sure as hell don’t want to lose another few hundred dollars all over again.
That experience left in a crippled state.
Last semester I got sick two times, my car got damaged, my phone cracked twice, my computer got damaged and I’m kinda scared of how the shitstorm is going to unravel this semester.
I’m scared of the future and I’m starting to think that my life is falling apart.
I used to be one step away from falling apart but now I’m like four or five steps away from that.
Is that an improvement?
I feel like I could be slipping back to my old self if life turns out for the worse.
Looking Back
My life was pretty fucking dramatic up to the end of my high school.
After high school I was still fucking depressed and I had no inner strength.
I didn’t believe in myself through the first few years of college and the damage has been done where it is catching up with me today.
Is it still not too late for me?
I don’t fucking know.
The bright side
The bright side is that I'm enjoying life more than I did 2-3 years ago.
The bright side is that I’m a stronger person than I was 2-3 years ago.
The bright side is that at least I’m not one of those people who have to face a lawsuit for promoting Bitconnect.
Being human or maybe just me I just have a never ending list of fuck ups but at least lawsuit will never be one of them.
I don’t really have many REAL followers but I already considered the social responsibilities since I'm active on a social platform.
It’s only a matter of time when I have 1000 followers here on this platform and ACTUALLY have followers supporting me since I’m building it up steadily.
Also whatever happens, when life fuck me in the ass again I made a promise to myself to finish what I started.
I plan to finish getting in shape and not plateau halfway any longer.
When life throws shit at me I’ll still do my cardio, I’ll still do my push-ups, I’ll still pump some iron, I’ll still keep this routine going.
Hopefully my plans follow through the next three months where I see the fire grow then I can feed off of it and let it grow more.
I miss the feeling of accomplishing a goal.
I remember the time I got out of obesity I felt as if I woke up from depression.
More importantly...I will see this through to the end.
I'm far from giving up where I just sit on my ass watch shows ALL THE TIME just to escape reality.
Questions Running Through My Mind
Will my happiness be independent?
Will I live in the moment instead of living in the future or living the happy moments in the past?
Why do I get the feeling that my life is build-up story to something very tragic?
Is my life falling apart?
I don’t post sad posts on a regular basis.
I try to keep these kinds of post down to a minimum like once every two to three months.
I try to be positive as I can but this is hard.
Godspeed for me.