After the Overture is performed, a narrator steps into a pool of light to address the audience.
Narrator:
The tale that you are to hear;
Is a tale not as old as time..
It’s about as old as your misses there;
Oh sorry. Your mister. Jeez what a crime.
It has love that was not to be;
With physical acts ya can’t unsee;
If you brought children you should turn their heads,
Why the hell did you bring them?
The lil’ buggers should bloody be in bed.
As I stand before ya;
Lords and ladies;
This story is no falsehood;
So, ladies hold on to your britches, and the blokes to their manhoods.
We take you now to where our story is set;
The town of Parma, a debaucherous town you’d surely bet.
It’s foul and rotten;
Vile and bleak;
And that’s just the women;
The men aren’t much better, you see.
Robbers to rob ya;
Killers to kill ya;
As for the children?
The little buggers will do both to ya!
Still, it’s a place to call home;
If ya are down on ya luck;
Ya might even find love or just someone to….cuddle.
Sit back and enjoy;
The tale you will see;
Some performances go long;
Ya might need to hold in that wee.
But if you’re busting
And don’t think you can hold any more
Sneak up the sides, quietly;
Don’t be a bastard and ruin the show.
The narrator gestures with his hands.
The narrator grins and pauses slightly to enjoy the moment.
For those who’ve come for the ride
Thank you for coming
The cast will perform with pride
However, this show is so crooked
Tis a cruel little tome
As you sit right here
And robbers be robbin’ ya home
Thank you for your time
I won’t waste any more
Kick back and relax for
‘Tis Pitty She’s a Whore.
The NARRATOR lends the audience a coy little smile, bows, and then exits the pool of light that eventually dims out in transition for the next scene.
Below is the original monologue, as performed in the concept album.