In our last episode, we saw some very potent ways on how to deal effectively with people who prey on people's free-will through manipulation with the intention to make them do what they should not have done. These manipulations are often subtle and done so craftily that the person involved may not even be away at first that they are being manipulated. When you see the onset of it, then you need to take steps to stop it otherwise it may begin to control your actions. Here, we shall be taking the last part of how to effectively and efficiently stop the actions of manipulators from having effect on you.
The first point is to learn to be attentive to details and document your interactions with them if need be. They may come to distort or misrepresent your former interactions, but when you present facts to them, it will give you an edge over them. Anytime you have an agreement with them, do not just make it a word-of-mouth thing, have a documentation of it for future reference because you might need it. You do not have to play with details because a lot of things can be hidden in plain sight, but when you pay attention to them, you will know where they are driving at. When they know that you have your facts, they will be careful how they deal with you.
The next point is to trust your very own instincts. More often than not, your instincts see what your naturally perception may not have seen, so do not just discard them as mere feelings. If something does not seem right about a person, then it might be your instinct trying to speak to you and you should listen to it. I have come to realise that most times, when something begins to seem off, then there are more chances that the thing is probably off. The truth is that, no matter how good a manipulative person is, they cannot hide all the details, some of them will be unveiled subtly, but you may not be able to see them if you do not pay attention. This is why you need a higher form of discernment and then trust your instincts as your ally.
In addition to this, in order to beat a manipulator, you also need to present your own emotions as being important. Trust me, your emotions and your feelings also matter, so do not allow anyone to make you feel that they are not worth it. If the other person is presenting their own emotions, also present your own to show them that you also have emotions. You need to understand that anyone who constantly undermines your emotions and presents their own is a manipulator and you should beware of them. If they cannot respect your feelings, then they do not care about you and they are only for their selfish gain.
I once had a friend that everything she thinks was about herself. In fact, she would want everything to be done for her but when it comes to the little help you will ask from her, she would dodge and later come back to play the emotional card that you do not know how it was for her. You will end up feeling pity for her and also go out of your way to please her. She never bothered about other people's feelings but only her own and when you try to reciprocate in like manner, she will guilt-trip you and you will become guilty and apologise and make up. When I discovered her tactics, I made it known to her that I also have emotions which is also important, not just her own. She tried to guilt-trip me and when I was not responsive, she understood that I have known her tactics and it humbled her. Do not allow anyone to make your emotions inferior.
Another very potent way of dealing with a manipulator is to maintain your independence. It is worthy to note that you can survive without them. After all, you have been surviving before you met them, so you can still do so even after they have gone. When you have this mentality, you will not allow anyone to put you in a corner or throw at you the emotional blackmail card. Do not throw yourself at them or be too reliant on their validation or on them. Learn to stand up for yourself and have a voice of your own. For this to happen, you have to constantly build yourself to become independent. If you are busy building yourself, you may not even notice their manipulative actions.
The last point is to talk to someone you can trust. There may be time when your entire strength and ability to overcome may have failed you, then you should seek help from someone - an expert, a close friend, someone trusted, etc. There are some battles that you cannot fight and win alone, so know when to seek for help. If not for anything, at least to have their own view of the whole thing and to see things from their own perspective.
Thanks for reading
