All I want out of this is another human soul who's suffering through similar pain to know that they are not alone in their struggle. I feel like god's purpose or the universe's purpose for me on this planet is to leave behind art for others to enjoy. I have entertained tens of thousands of human beings on my youtube channel, I've had an e-book on amazon that's gotten me fifty sales and, I have a thousand virtual shirt sales on my ROBLOX account!
I am so lonely deep down inside it hurts so very bad.
I have had no friends for several years and, I don't find urges to want to connect with anyone.
I am a, high functioning autistic weirdo. I spewed out cringey crap on this account and, I regret it.
When I was a child I was diagnosed with both oppistional defiant disorder and aspergers. I don't know, some days I feel empathy and other days I don't. It's so weird. I wish I could afford treatment for said mental illnesses but, unfortunately I am unable to afford that. Then again, I've had treatments forced on me and those psychiatric drugs made things a lot worse.
I feel depression and anxiety existing there although, I've never been diagnosed with it. I am so sad most of the time.
I am unable to contribute anything meaningful to this world if I'm on drugs that make me sleepy all the time and unable to think.
I got rejected for disability a very long time ago but, I'm not homeless! That's such an accomplishment! I have a youtube channel that makes enough to pay my rent and food. It has done that when I was upset searching really hard for a menial job but my lack of social skills and, cluster of mental illness prevented me.
I applied for about a hundred jobs and, went to about ten interviews.
I got so many no's.
In addition to being rejected from disability, the annoying petty, state government denied me a drivers licence due to being too mentally ill. Since I'm not in a big city, I am at a computer most of my time. It has certainly added onto the social isolation and, it hurts worse than a rejection of a job application. I just can't go running around doing errands, I can't always afford a twenty dollar taxi bill to get me somewhere.
I'm embarrassed to admit this most of the time.
I just don't get it.
At the same time, my youtube channel mysteriously blew up from two hundred subscribers to about ten thousand. I ran ads on my eighteenth birthday. I wasn't expecting to make about five hundred dollars from said action but, I did and I showed it to my family members.
I had gained value in their eyes. I was not worthless. I was worth keeping around to help out with the bills. :)
After being rejected so many times, I was so sad and was expecting homelessness to follow soon.
I had disturbing images of me being homeless in the small city I grew up in. It felt horrible and, hurt my heart deep down inside.
The only talent I have in my life is extreme amounts of creativity. If I wouldn't have accidentally discovered that, I would be on a street corner right now.
I am horrible in any kind of social interaction, I am extremely shy. I have so many creative ideas that my head hurts, I am glad to have access to this wonderful internet. I love it.
I fear what I could do if I woke up one day and, my youtube channel was just deleted.
I couldn't pay my rent but, I have a few thousand in savings. I'd probably live off of four hundred dollars a month and channel ALL OF MY CREATIVE ENERGY into another thing on the internet that can pay my rent.