Who, apart from a serial killing psychopath, could not find this touching photograph of six TUBERCULOSIS BACTERIA heart warming. Wonderful scenes such as this could become a thing of the past though, as mankind seeks to drive this beautifully photogenic creature to extinction. Yes that's right. Unless we act now Tuberculosis could; like smallpox, polio and democracy, become merely a footnote in the pages of history. Join us in ensuring these highly infectious fatal diseases are not slaughtered in their billions. You don't even have to send us money to help. Simply make your way to the nearest infectious diseases laboratory, smash your way in to the clean rooms and sniff those contagious diseases up the nose holes in your head face. Sure you'll die a hideously painful and disgusting death, bleeding from your eyes and ears, but you'll have died a hero. Freeing these endangered species from their soul destroying captivity.
We are currently seeking crowd funding for a new internet sensation that we know will be sweeping the nations of the world so fast you won't even have time for a quick shit. Forget SpaceFace, MyBook, Instashit, Redbit and Uncle Pervert's Magic Pedophile Penis Castle. They are in the past now. We guarantee we won't farm every bit of data you have ever produced and then sell it to every organisation on earth. Our new networking website will hardly take any of your information and here's why:
We at ComparetheHitman.com have listened to what people are saying. Then we've ignored it and looked at what people are actually doing instead, because they are all liars. Times are hard and we've had to cut back. Even for that vast legion of ordinary hardworking folk who hire hitmen on a regular or semi-regular basis. Lets be honest here, you get what you pay for. If you're paying peanuts for that hit you can guarantee it will go wrong. The contract will be traced back to you. If you pay a top price for a top man then you can confidently look forward to a coroner pronouncing either accident or natural causes. Possibly even suicide if you do some preparatory work. While Pete "Rabies" McCluskey may be a lot cheaper the odds are that the target will meet his justified end outside a pharmacy in broad daylight. Brutally beaten to death by Rabies. Instead of a quick kill the terrified victim will be seen by at least a hundred passersby. Dragging his broken, lacerated body 50 to 60 meters in a vain but panic stricken attempt to escape those fatal blows.
We offer a fully bespoke service to. So whether you want that rich maiden aunt fed through a wood chipper or an ex-boyfriend gang raped then torn to pieces by a pack of ferocious sexually aggressive grizzly bears, we will be there for you. Every detail can be covered. We even include a suicide note option where you get to select the exact text of that final scribble of despair and self loathing. It's entirely up to you how your husband or yoga teacher meets his maker. We also understand that those of you on a budget don't want to skimp so we've got a long list of criminally insane sociopaths who are dying to make someone die for you. They aren't free obviously but these guys get their pleasure simply from causing agonizing pain and death. So they'll let you pay in installments.
Every single one of our customers will receive our latest coffee table book entitled: "The World's Top 100 Suicide Notes". Plus a free subscription to Hit Man Monthly. Where you'll find reviews for all our hired killers and some fantastic special offers. This July for example we're doing a 2 for 1. Yes that's right we'll kill 2 people for the price of one. Even if you only want the one tragic "accident" it would make sense to kill someone who has very little connection to you. That way the chances of discovery are halved. Don't worry there are other offers that we know will be to somebody's liking and group rates are available. These group rates operate both ways to. You and your friends can club together to buy that killing you've always desired or alternatively we'll give you a discount, starting at 10%, for 3 or more victims. Still not convinced? We also do formal occasions and birthdays. Why not buy your girl friend a gift that keeps on giving for that special day?
Remember even if you don't want somebody removed from the gene pool it would be seen as rude if you refused such generous offers. Then you could end up with a reputation you don't deserve and a price on your head which we will collect, if only for our 20% commission. On the basis that it's better to be safe than dead, go on spoil yourself. You deserve it and more importantly so does the target. Never forget that.