I had my first beer in high school. People I thought of as 'cool' all drank. I wanted to become friends with them, and one way was to drink together. That's how my drinking began.
I never really enjoyed alcohol itself though. I just loved how alcohol brings people together. Friends who are usually shy would speak up and show their more raw sides. Friends who are funny, get more funny. I would become friends with a dude from Spain by sharing a shot together and talking about 'gentleman's manner.' He barely spoke English, and I barely spoke any Spanish. But at that moment, we understood each other. I love how drinking makes you open up to other people.
But drinking comes with some consequences. The morning after heavy drinking is not fun. My stomach feels as if a tornado went through it. And then my head hurts like it just got hit by a truck. Then I remember things I wish I didn't say. I also remember things I wish I didn't do. Alcohol cuts your usual reasoning off, and that's always not the best thing.
When I was in college, I would drink almost every weekend. There were always gatherings and parties. There was always a reason to drink with friends. Hack, even a problem set was a reason to get together, and drink (while solving some physics problems). That was not a big problem though, because we were young and we could recover fast. I played soccer all my life, and was part of school team in college. During the off season, team would drink together on the weekend, and we would play soccer at 10am next morning. We were young and our body could handle anything.
But the invincibility of youth does not last long. I could drink 10~13 beers on a night and could play soccer or go for a 5km run just fine the next day. I am turning 28 in two months, and I feel super young, healthy and fit. But my body just can't handle alcohol as well as it used to. Even after one beer, I feel sleepy and tired. In the morning after I drink 5~6 beers or shots, I become a zombie. That day is for the recovery in my room. And I do hate-talking to myself. 'Dude, you can't just waste a weekend like this. You have so many things you wish to do.'
I have been thinking a lot about quitting alcohol for a long time. I really think I should quit it. I did not meditate on Friday because I went out and crashed at my friend's place at 5am. It was a lot of fun, but we woke up around 2PM today. Half of the day was already gone. I had a headache and stomache. My body felt very weak. Again, I realized I can't do heavy drinking anymore.
But the thing is, I can't just drink lightly. It's always binary. I dont' drink at all, or I drink and get pretty drunk, and get a massive hangover the day after. I am all about doing it all-in, or not at all.
I love to run and meditate. If you've read any of my previous posts, it's all about them. But running and meditation do not go along well with alcohol. Alcohol is absolutely the last thing any serious runner would drink to increase their performance. Although I never tried, it would be very tought to meditate when I am drunk (reason I missed my daily meditation last night).
The thing is, though, I still love being with friends and people over good alcoholic beverage. The challenge is, how can I still maintain friendships that involve drinking? How will I fend off peer-pressure and my desire to get drunk?
My first thought is to set some goals. Goals that would be very hard to achieve if I drink. I guess I am already doing it, which is meditating everyday. And the only two days that I've missed so far, are because of alcohol: I would get drunk and forget to meditate before going to bed.
But the goals alone perhaps would not do it. I need some social accountability, and I need support from my friends. Friends whom I love drinking with. How can I ask such support?
I am still a bit hungover from last night's drinking, and I feel my writing does not make much sense. I feel uncomfortable uploidng this post, but I am uploading it anyway, because I want to do more of things that make me uncomfortable. And I want to show my raw side with the community here.
If you have successfully quit drinking alcohol, please share how you did in the comments.
I will appreciate it very much, and others who are struggling with alcohol will also get some help from your experience.
For your time writing the commetns and sharing personal stories, I will split SBD rewards for this post with 3 people who leave the most upvoted comments.