Who have we hurt the most, but ourselves, by holding onto anger at wrongs done in the past?
What role models have we been of compassion, when cligning to yesterday's heartaches and using our companions' mistakes as ammo in the war to preserve our damaged egos' pride & sense of entitlement to its self-victimization?
What beauty have we destroyed as the hurt we've neglected to let go of clouds our memory of the love that once lit us up and brought out our best? What ugliness have we created through our refusal to move beyond what's most disturbed us, and back to the clear perception of what's pure, real, and stands the test of all time?
Why must we sometimes be so stubborn in learning our lessons of forgiveness - choosing to perpetuate our suffering, knowing full well the past can't be changed, but we can? What good has it been serving to delay the application of wisdom in our lives - praising unconditional love as the worthy ideal, yet fearing to take the leap of no return into its actualization in our own lives?
Who have we been trying to be - speaking words that make so much sense, while persisting with emotions impairing our best? Who have we been trying to fool, engaging in our "spiritual practices," only to turn around and self-destruct through the disrespect of our most sacred relationships by again & again submitting to our egos' "justified anger," resentment, and such?
Have we simply been too hard on ourselves by not allowing ourselves to go through these valleys without judgement that we "should" know better? Or have we been living through excuses - allowing ourselves so much room to "be human," with all the human imperfections, that we've been letting ourselves off the hook for not living up to our higher spiritual principles?
How many tears have been waiting to be shed, though we've held back out of shame of our vulnerability? What price have we been paying for maintaing our "strength?" What collateral damage have we overlooked from our strategies of "emotional control" that involve holding back our emotions from getting too upsetting - so focused in keeping a stabilized front, we've lost awareness of what's really been going on inside?
Part of the life experience this all may be - common to each of us individually, through our differing paths of heartache, abuse and other good things gone bad. And, too, a familiar pattern on the larger scale - be it racial groups, cultures, communities, or nations. None of us are so different as we might think, when considering these most important concerns of the heart & spirit.
And while many of us have dreamed of and aspired to easing the conflict in the world - bringing an end to war, genocide, gang violence, religious intolerance, etc - what chance do we really stand if not taking on the challenge of transformation in ourselves first?
What peace can be made in our relationships and world if we can't choose forgiveness and create peace within ourselves, individually? What compassion can we bring into the world if not being tolerant with ourselves? And how can we expect to hold our leaders accountable to higher principles if we don't balance allowance for our own mistakes with the discipline to keep in line and on track living according to the wisdom we've become aware of through our mistakes?
How many thousand-times-fold can we increase the quality of our lives by letting go of our ill feelings? How many people's lives can we shine light into as we clear away the emotional residues that have been concealing our best & brightest? What beauty lies in front of us, as we clear our vision - setting our sights on all the good that lies beyond the anger - past, present, and future?
written May 2011