The markets had crashed overnight. I checked my portfolio repeatedly on the way into work on the train. Every time I looked it was deeper in the red.
No one had asked me to but I knew that this needed some investigation.
First though, every enquiring mind needs caffeine. I stopped off at the one and two and waited my turn. It wasn't long before the chick behind the counter caught my eye. She looked me up and down appraisingly and licked her lips.
You looking for something Mister?
Triple, Venti, Soy, No Foam Latte.
She gave an involuntary gasp at the sheer masculinity of my order. I couldn't have been more man without leaping onto a table and beating my chest with my fists.
I looked around. No-one was listening. I leaned over whilst she frothed the milk.
Hey, you hear anything about the markets? Somethings going on and I need to find out what.
She finished steaming the milk and wiped the nozzle suggestively with a cloth.
A trader huh? I aint heard nothing. But... There's a guy Mickey. In the alley out back. He might know something.
Mickey, right.
I took my coffee and turned to go. She grabbed my arm.
Wait! Mickey, well, he's trouble. Be careful.
I clasped her hand and pulled her close giving her the most fleeting of kisses. She swooned down in a faint.
Always careful baby.
I headed out to the alleyway. It was shadowed, could be dangerous. I kept one eye on my back and the other on either side looking for trouble. I had to find out what was making the markets crash. Hell, if I didn't step up. Who else was gonna?
Near the shadowed end was a guy leaning against the wall. He had two toughs with him. I stepped right up.
You Mickey?
What if I am, who the hell are you?
I'm a trader. You got any info on this situation with the markets? What's happening?
Mickey looked spooked. He nodded to the toughs who moved forward.
I don't know who you are buddy but you chose the wrong day to come poking your nose around here.
The first tough swung a punch, it was sloppy and slow. I ducked, returned the favour twice to his kidneys and finished him with a chop to the neck.
Bang. I saw stars and staggered to the left, the other had socked me with a cosh. Bad mistake. As he came at me again I dropped low shooting my foot straight against his knee. It snapped back the way no knee should and he screamed like a dog with no balls.
I looked for Mickey. He was climbing up the fire escape. Dammit. Why was it always the roof? I stamped on tough number two's head and swiftly climbed after Mickey. I got all the way to the top and climbed up over the edge.
Well well tough guy. Looks like the end of the line.
Mickey had drawn a piece and was pointing it straight at my head. The wind whipped against me in a sudden gust and I had to grasp a hand to my hat to stop it flying away.
It doesn't have to be like this Mickey. Just tell me, who is behind the Market crash today?
Oh yeah, well I'm gonna kill you but fuck it. You may as well know. It's the Chinese. They have gone and made ICO's illegal. You ain't allowed to buy any coins in an ICO in China no more. In fact, they are talking about trying to get them to pay money back to people who have already bought in!
The Chinese of course. I should have known.
Yeah well, time to meet your maker Mr Trader man.
Mickey's finger tightened on the trigger. My hand still on my hat whipped forth. The cosh from number two tough flying forward catching Mickey square in the face. The gun went off and he staggered back catching his foot on the guard rail at the edge.
I walked forward to the edge of the rooftop and looked over at Mickey, sprawled out like a starfish some eighty feet below. A red stain spilling out around him like a Christmas blanket.
The Chinese eh. It always came back to them. Looks like I had better...
We don't have any Soy Milk?
I blinked and looked up from the Blockfolio App on my phone. Oops. The girl in the coffee shop glared at me like I had shat in her slippers. There was a queue behind me looking impatient.
Eh, I will just take it black then. Cheers.
I took my coffee and sighed as I left the coffee shop and trudged into work.
Damn, I hate Monday's