I had a moment of weakness, but I wasn't feeling weak at the time. I felt great, went out for a walk and contemplated whether to spend my last 20 dollars on food or a pint of whiskey and a pack of smokes. I began to talk to myself as if I were two people, one with a voice of reason and one with a body that was set out to acquire the poison, no matter the words of reason. I laughed at the idea of trying to stop me, and so I continued.
I was nearly two weeks sober and smoke free. I was filled with energy and hope, proud of myself for my accomplishments. Today, I don't feel so proud. It's not a disappointment that I'm feeling, but an utter lack of energy and a deep seeded sadness. I feel like now would be a good time for a hug, so I'll hug myself. I'll forgive myself, allowing myself to feel vulnerable enough to accept myself for any mistakes I may have made, and trust myself to move on from this. Hell, I may even shed a tear.
It's time to move on from self deprecation, it's never gotten me anywhere in this world except closed off and miserable. I've spent so many years convincing myself I'm mental, or not worth it. It's time I choose to let that go and shift the energy my being emanates to harmonize with love and understanding.
I'm going to make mistakes, I'm only human.. and that's okay.