Whining
My little girl is now 3 and a half years old. Generally, she is a very charming young girl. Full of life, enjoying her childhood very much. We, the parents are thoroughly enjoying the joys of raising her up. It is a memorable journey indeed. Only, the entire story is not as pleasant. We have been facing many obstacles and challenges. She used to throw tantrums, not want to get asleep or waking up in the middle of the night and so on. But the most annoying tendency she developed recently is her habit of whining. Seemingly, she has complaints about everything and she hardly hesitate to express her dissatisfaction.
It has become a habit out of her and all efforts to control it seem to be futile. I have collected all my medical knowledge and training, review some literatures about child development and of course do some internet research (nowadays, it has become such a commonplace to search everything in the internet). I have come up with some ideas and understandings about the do’s and don’ts about whining.
Why whining
You may think you are raising your child in the best possible way. She should not have any complain about what she is getting. But the child may think otherwise. Why whining? The answer lies within two basic emotional needs of human being – attention and power. The kids are attention seeker. Whining occurs when they feel alone, abandoned and powerless. They will continue to whine until they get positive attention. Children continue a behaviour if that yield results. If you give in her demand of an extra scoop of ice-cream or something like that, she may think this is the way she can get her things. But that’s not the only matter, there is a flip side of the coin. If you respond with reprimand like “STOP” or yelling at her, she may think this is way to seek your attention. Whining may continue till her teen years.
Good Parenting
How to avoid Whining
There is no steadfast rule you can use to stop whining. Several strategies are suggested by Developmental psychologists:
1. Refuse to let the whining bother you: You should tell your child over a lunch or snacks that you are not happy with her whining habit. Tell her if she does the same the next day, you will not respond, will just walk way. Stay true to your words and walkway when she whines. This will remove the payoff for putting whining
2. Stay cheerful and connect with your child emotionally: Irrespective of your fulfilling her demand, stay cheerful all the time and connect with her emotionally. Reassure her that you are always there and listening to her.
3. Teach your child to ask nicely: Shouting at your child doesn’t help. You should explain her the difference between her whinny voice and nice voice. You can demonstrate this by playing back her recordings of both whining and nice conversation. Try to teach her appropriate words to express her demand, frustration, hunger or boredom. Demonstrate them what is right.
4. Praise her when she deserves that: Be positive. Don’t react only to point out her wrongdoings. Praise her when she is behaving rightly. Encourage her by saying “I am loving this”.
5. Have Patience: Don’t give up too quickly. It may take some time before she begins to behave properly. Just hang in there. If you don’t help your child to practice right behaviour and effective methods of communication her whining may become worse or may even affect her future relationships.
4 steps to stop whining
I have got assistance from Manual of Child Development, Kids folio, Parents.com, Good Parenting and Nelson's Textbook of Paediatrics.