I am enjoying the hit day again, trying to sweat out to make myself let out toxins from my skin. I do hope that we just can detoxify in that route and how I wish that perspiring cleans out the blood too because I am a dialysis patient going on to 19 years.
I just wished that I never had gotten this far as most people here are still babies or were not yet born when i first started my first dialysis session. My first dialysis session was something that should had been better because I did experienced a lot of hardships back then (until now) because I didn't get the best medical treatment. It is just now that I am able to find information to make myself help myself which is why maybe I lasted this long.
I really wanted to die already for obvious reasons, my case now is just a prolonged torture for me both physically, mentally, and financially. The reason for the latter is that I am always at panic to earn a bit so that I can use it to sustain my medical and immediate needs. SO I am using my precious and little time left to be as productive as I can for the said necessities that I have to sustain.
Truly I can never enjoy every day that I have, it is funny that I am enjoying the very thing rthar also makes me uncomfortable which is the heat of the day so that I can perspire and not get too filled-up with fluids so fast. But of course if I will so choose I will pick a more liveable living space and temperatures and not like this that I am drizzling over.
So actually I am never comfortable, only lesser pain at times, I can still breathe and not laboriously unlike int he past months, and also that appetite loss that had been plaguing me for almost three years now.
And to think that I am more vulnerable to more hardships if my parents will not be around anymore is also a mental torture for me. SO with all that I just wanted to really give up if not for my hard-headedness to survive, wanting to see the light of another day, and my plan (if God wills it) to give my parents a better place to live.
But all of my plans are proving to be getting very hard to achieve, almost impossible, so if God would really bless my plans in life then that is the only time that I can be able to make them a reality.