Today my life has been eventful or should I say more interesting. My life has always been interesting with this perpetual fight for survival. And I am not only talking about that daily hunt for meat. I am talking about fighting wild animals but in a more peaceful and humane way.
Let's just get to the heart of things. Today I was having some issues with my utility bills and electricity consumption. I am just being conscious of my expenses during this crisis. Being new to this apartment, I asked the landlady how things work around here. I didn't realize how a simple question quickly ballooned into a whole lot of bigger issues. I found out that the not-so-lovely landlady was holding grudges against me and that little act was mistaken for my complete lack of trust. I didn't really mean it to be obvious. But thank Gawd I was with a lady friend who jumped to my defense. I could have been murdered this time.
It has been a while since I had this kind of "people problem", not that I wanted to attract any kind of new negativity into my life, but sometimes, some things are just inevitable. Since I move a lot (due to business), I may get this from time to time, because you know, people are being people. And I am being Me. And of course, I should have realized these things way before I started this whole follow-your-dream madness. Like me not having power and money to be Me in a place as hostile as this. I should have just stayed somewhere else doing something else with my friends or my people. I know there's hope for me for as long as I stay strong. I just don't know any more for how long.
Believe it or not, I was sweet and charming (still am) then this town happened. This business happened. Life happened. I was forced to become a Machiavellian princess with a moral compass of course < insert evil laugh here >. Like you know, choosing my battles carefully, finding my allies who will protect me, being 2-3 steps ahead, and most of all, trying not to get stabbed by unforeseen enemies who might not like my looks (is it really that bad?) and all that evilness beneath the emerald waters. I could get stabbed anytime now literally though. I tend to bring out the worst in people. Said George Carlin, never underestimate the power of stupid people in groups.
People on this island, mostly, operate in groups, think in groups, and fight in groups. Not that there's something wrong in being a community, but when it comes to bad things, people no longer think as an individual. I don't know how it is out there in your tribe, but here, we still live in ancient times. Immersing yourself in a new environment can really teach you about yourself and the people in it. If I am unaware, I swear, my head will become smaller along with my views of the world.
Just because they think the same doesn't mean they are right, and just because you are alone doesn't mean you are wrong. But of course, in a community like this, those individualist ideas are nonexistent. If you are about to get torched by the witches, then you are probably evil. So instead of allowing myself to be burned, I learned about their ways around people who are different from them. Thanks to painful experiences.
People can say that it is better to just leave this place because it is probably not worth all the struggles. It is actually mentally taxing. Sure, in this crisis, it's easy to just pack my whole life and move to another place with even more positive Corona and start all over again. I will put up with this kind of life but this time I am going to be a little less dumb. I am going to adapt to the environment however difficult and unrealistic that may seem. I am going to build my own empire so I no longer have to fight on my own. I don't have the power/money, yet, so my survival lies in being able to adapt.
I've seen what kind of cruelties people in groups are capable of. Recently, a young teenager visiting had been poisoned and murdered by the townswomen due to jealousy. I've watched horrible viral video clips of people doing nasty things to other people. These things are not only happening in other countries. There's a small-town remote island scale to all of it.
I live in a place where people tend to follow their primal instinct. When they smell a threat, they fight like a full-on savage version of Karen. And to stay calm while dealing with someone like that today is self-improvement. It totally goes against human nature, my nature. It feels like being on a totally different battlefield now. I guess I still want to be a good person, or not anymore.
previously, previously, previously,