Well…not always. I am not that brave.
There are places in the world, even Indonesia, where I feel disinclined to visit alone. Though I have this principle that “ you never know unless you try”, there are places where I consider it a bit too risky going alone and it’s not a place where one can wander freely even during daytime. In this post, not only you’ll find my rants but also some lessons that I learned and tips of travelling when you’re a solo traveller.
I.
“ Are you not afraid?”, “ you are so brave!” are the common phrases I heard from mostly other Asians. I am saying that with confidence because I have never heard that from the western acquaintances or even random strangers from western countries. I don’t know how things work from their point of view but travelling when you’re young, broke, and adventurous seems to be extremely common for people in the western hemisphere. Whereas in Indonesia, seemingly it is still uncommon for females to travel solo.
II.
While I was browsing through instagram, there’s this female solo backpacker and her comment section was filled with, “ you’re so brave”, “ I would be scared doing that”, “ Do I need a visa?”, “ Do I need a passport?”, “ how can I find a not so scammy hostel?”. and all the endless questions that are mostly about the technicalities of travelling. I have to say that though the technicalities of travelling are also important, we tend to overlook how we appear and how you can blend in. At least for me. One rule is to never stick like a sore thumb.
III.
As a foreigner, it’s already a disadvantage. You might not look like other people and not to make it further disadvantage, always research further about the culture and basic norms in the place you’re visiting. Eventually, you can choose to either be a complete foreigner or to fully immerse yourself in that culture. Blending in is always the best option but the best would be applying some of the Gray Man techniques.
IV.
Being open with experiences is also the way to go. You can get scammed, meet bad people, feeling unsafe, being in an unsafe situation, these things happen. It happened to me and funnily enough, it was in Indonesia where by default I am just like them but apparently, that is never the case. One mistake of my past is thinking that because I am in my home country, I’d be safer for scams but the nature of evil, it’s everywhere much like the good that are also everywhere.
V.
As I mentioned about the Gray Man technique, one of the ideas is that not to dress that would attract attention. Flashy colours, jewelleries, brand name items, leave your valuables somewhere safe. This is also a common precautions that are written in hostels and also many travelling blogs. Once you travel solo a couple of times, sometimes it pays to look like a hobo with an exception for me, while going through the immigration. I would dress neatly.
VI.
Wandering with a budget has its cons too. This is also about finding the not-so-scammy hostels. By default, accommodation is overly subjective. It is about “you” and “ what you’re comfortable with”. So always cross-check reviews all across sites to know what you’re doing. Don’t complain later on after you’re checking out and paying $7/night for some crazy experience whilst the comment section has “warned” you. To me, as long as I get a common room to work from, a chill place to be, not too social, with breakfast, and female dorms, that’s where I am headed. The thing is, as a female traveller, it’s nice to stay in female dorms. Mixed dorms seem to be just fine but it’s not my thing. I would really rather pay extra for a private room if there’s no female dorms but certainly in the whole city, there will be at least a couple of places with female dorms. In some places, they are more expensive than mixed dorms and even male dorms.
VII.
It’s not always about bravery but common sense. I simply don’t go out at night alone, don’t get too drunk among strangers, not taking random drugs, not even taking random drinks that I don’t know where it’s from. I research areas that are hip and locals instead of staying in the red light districts or similar. Having some common sense and being respectful goes a long way. And learn to say NO. No means NO. It never means Yes or Maybe.
VIII.
As much as I don’t like being surrounded by people, there are times when I feel lonely. To me, loneliness is my inability to connect with my surroundings. This is why I started staying at hostels instead of a private room or hotel because then, though I don’t really interact with people too often, I can still see people. I can talk to people in small but frequent doses but being with them too often is just… exhausting. It doesn’t matter if it’s my mom or anyone really. I simply just can’t. I can eat samgyupsal alone, I can enjoy coffee on my own and eat alone. This has never been a problem. But if loneliness is a thing for you, I would really suggest staying in hostels, strike a conversation, or just invite someone for lunch together. Too shy to do that? Well, it’s time to create an alter ego!
XI
But in my theory, add a couple more faces. It apparently is very common that people have a travelling name. There are reasons for this but often it’s because their original name is hard to pronounce. But of course there are other reasons as well. When travelling on your own, this travelling face is what you’re going to present to the new strangers. Sure, they know where you’re from, your gender but sometimes if they go too deep, make sure that you have established some sort of trust. You can even mix this travelling face with all the other faces you have.
“ where are you staying”
“ How long are you going to stay?” all these when asked by strangers, just give them vague descriptions. Not everyone is out to get you but just to have some extra precautions. Besides, hostels are also not allowing guests who are not part of the hostel to stay in or sometimes even restrict non guests to hang around in the place.
X.
Last but not least, move at your own pace.Do whatever you like in life. Personally, I’d love to see more Indonesian or just south east asian women travelling alone. I have met only a few and well, there should be more of them around especially as a backpacker not as a tourist 🙂.