TW: Mentions of suicide
I heard something unexpected that you normally would not do in a government office. A man wearing denim shorts and a baseball cap sat beside me in the waiting area. He was talking to someone on the phone with the signature Batangueño loudness that one could hear across the room. His tone was serious but also gossipy.
“Kumusta si ano?” (“How are they?”)
Although I tried to tune him out, my efforts failed, and I heard something that sent chills down my spine.
“Nabalitaan mo ba?” He said. “Yung anak ni ano nagpakamatay!”
(“Did you hear?” He said. “[Name]’s son took his life!”)
“Oo, 25 lang, bata pa!”
(“Yes, he was 25, so young!”)
From what I have gathered, he was a son of a family with financial troubles who died by suicide. My mind froze. Two immediate thoughts rustled inside my overstimulated brain: I hate office lights and hey, that could have been me.
I felt my shoulder tighten, my fists locked, and the room looked like it shrank.
Then, I heard the man talk about a different topic as if what he said wasn’t a devastating story. What seemed like an isolated case is part of a larger gloomy picture of mental health in the Philippines.
Ramos (2023) reported that 404 young students in various parts of the country took their own lives. Meanwhile, 2,147 others attempted suicide from 2021 to 2022.
One lost life is enough proof that mental health issues exist. Scratch that. The fact that poverty is real means mental health conditions are real. The fact that poor governance is real means being overwhelmed and coping with vices are real.
The fact that everywhere you look, there is some kind of stressor.
A catcall.
A price hike.
A cigarette on the concrete floor.
The fact that everyone you see has some kind of stress.
A working student.
A local commuter.
A teenage parent.
A homeless person.
It is absolutely disheartening that we need serious cases as proof that mental health issues aren't made up.
While our mental health programs in the Philippines have a long way to go, some improvements like more allocated national budget, more mental health professionals, and more mental health facilities, we need more conversations at the individual level.
More and better.
Going back to my unintentional eavesdropping, I wished the man beside me just didn’t brush it off. He could have expanded the conversation, asking how to help the bereaved family, offering a lending hand for emotional support, or linking the family members to a mental health professional.
He could, in his own ways, open up about mental health. He looked like he uses Facebook, so maybe he could share relevant content about mental health. Maybe reach out the someone he sees is stressed.
When one intends to heal, healing will follow.
Don’t tell me it’s a woman’s job to nurture relationships and care about mental health - it is everyone’s duty to ensure they are a safety net when someone feels distressed. And don’t tell me mental health issues are just a form of theatrics. Then I should’ve been a drama teacher. Then many of us could just walk out the “stage” and “drop the act.”
It’s so invalidating and people who say this are just out of touch with the reality of pain. It is a burden that we have to carry – we feel pain. We deal with it through the help that is available to us.
“All human beings have to make decisions about how to respond to suffering and allocate their energies,” Peter Breggin (1997) said in The Heart of Being Helpful.
Most of the time, we need to know someone is there who will not judge or shame us. We just need a safe witness to share the burden of pain and the human experience.
We need people who will advocate for our mental health rights too. We need voices in the senate, the local government units, the educational sector, hospitals, etc.
Breaking the mental health stigma is acknowledging it is a public health issue. It needs to be addressed at the multisectoral level too.
By the way, I stood up when the office clerk called my name and the man was still there. How I wish I just didn’t freeze on my seat – maybe I’m afraid of my own voice too.
So this blog is a complaint to myself as well: I know it was a draining and overstimulating day, Self, but when given a chance to educate someone, take it. You never know; you might be saving lives this way too.
Resources you could check out 💜
- Suicide Guidelines for the Philippines
- Suicide & Crisis Hotlines in the Philippines
- Support Mental Health PH
- Support Mind You NGO Program
We're only touching the surface. There's more to rant about this. Hehe.
Thank you for reading 💜
Remember, you're valid and we're all a work in progress. Hugs with consent!