Being sensitive can be a good thing and also a bad thing. You can be overly sensitive to other people's feelings and nobody gives a hoot about your feelings. You can read people’s emotions and facial expressions heck! You can even read the room and know how to thread cautiously but when the tables are turned people say things without putting your feelings into consideration and that hurts, it hurts like crazy.
Over the years I came to realize that I always find it difficult to let go of certain pains and these pains are usually caused by the ones I love dearly, I could care less about what an acquaintance or a random person says or does to me but you see the ones I hold dear? I just don’t know how to get rid of the pain easily.
I forgive people but I somehow see myself reliving the experiences whenever I see them or have any trigger.
I make excuses for people, and I even cut them some slack when necessary. Whenever I see them do things to me that I can never do to them, it messes with my brain. Since I am an overthinker, I dissect their actions and overanalyze everything and I think that’s why the pain lingers in my heart because I think about it one too many times.
Whenever such things spring up I'd speak up, and I'd try to address the issue but to me, this was just for formality's sake and to debunk any narrative, simply put it was for peace to reign between me and the other party but not for MY PEACE OF MIND.
I would go home, play, and replay everything in my head and since the pain lingers I withdraw from the person, we are not necessarily enemies but we might not be as close as we were before.
Was this withdrawal mechanism helping me? Hell No! I was ruining beautiful relationships for things that I would have addressed properly, I was burning bridges because of little misunderstandings that I would have addressed. I was worried about allowing peace to reign between me and the other party to the detriment of my peace of mind.
How it’s going….
After living with so much pent-up emotions, I knew the ache in my heart was not going to do me any good, I knew the constant triggers I had were only going to consume me and that was when I decided to prioritize Closures.
I began to have proper conversations with people, pouring my heart and explicitly explaining how I felt about what they did to me. I do not care if you become defensive or aggressive I am putting my peace of mind first before anything and you can do whatever you want to do with the information I give to you.
I have been learning to have closures with people and so far it's been helping me, it's been helping me to get rid of a lot of the pains I have bottled up over time, and it has helped me to let go of so many things and my heart has been super light.
Has the journey been a pleasant one? Yes and No. Yes because it has saved me from a lot of mental torture and my head has been a little calmer.
No, because a lot of persons may term my being explicitly expressive as overreacting, and they can become excessively defensive.
Letting go of all the pains via the closures I have had with people over time has done more good to my mental health than anything and I love how and where this is taking me to.
My life is transforming every day I am not holding onto unnecessary arguments, hurtful words, and misunderstandings and I am learning to forgive wholly and heal simultaneously. Of a truth it’s been one hell of a ride but one that I wish to continue regardless. I know I am not there yet but I’m happy for the baby steps I take everyday because I know they’d become giant strides one day😃
All images are mine except otherwise stated.
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Loads of Love🥰🥰
XOXO